


I taste you on my tongue

by sansapollo



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Bcs I love suffering, CEO! Seonghwa, Eventual Smut, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kissing, Lots of Cum, Love Confessions, M/M, Name-Calling, Non-Graphic Smut, Not Beta Read, Savage Yeosang and we all love him for it lmao, Seonghwa is a (hot) divorced dad and wooyoung is his son, Sexual Tension, Student!San but he graduates, Surprise guest - Freeform, Uhh is that a taboo thing??, age gap, but it will be good promise, but seonghwa loves them and owes them lol, everyone cries a lot especially San, fluff??, in a bad way tho, jongho and hongjoong are little shits, joong is best friend of hwa, kinda cockwarming, lots of kisses, pink haired san and he has braids uwu, pushing my hwasan agenda on you sorry not sorry, san calls hwa 'daddy' a lot lol, san falls in love with his best friend’s father aka seonghwa, san turning everything hell for hwa lol, side ships are: woosang and yunjoong, slow burn wıth a smut ending, they are happy and safe in each other's arms, woosansang best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25477921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansapollo/pseuds/sansapollo
Summary: San was having a normal day, going to school, joking around with his best friends until he goes his best friend's home for the first time and sees the hottest man he has ever seen. He was drooling for the man until he realizes that he is the father of his dearly best friend.Shit.San knows he fucked up. Big this time.or,San realizes that he has a daddy kink. Who can blame him though? When someone as hot as Seonghwa standing with all his god-like appearance and calling his braids cute?
Relationships: Choi San & Park Seonghwa, Choi San/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 164
Kudos: 282





	1. the meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [promptis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/promptis/gifts).



> before you start;  
> //DISCLAIMER//  
> There is a big age gap between San and Seonghwa. Seonghwa is 35 and San is 18. San is an adult by my country's law but if it's different in your country, I just want you to know that I have written it by my country's standards~
> 
> okay well,, this will be a little bit long like I planned for it to be 5 chapters? but my plans never work so 🤡  
> Nab is the one who inspired me about dad!hwa and honestly, I'm so in love with this au(AND HWASAN). I have a strong need to write it so here we are lmao  
> Thank you for your wonderful imagination and precious support, Nab. Take this work as my way to appreciate you lol
> 
> P.s: Yea the title is from Daddy issues by The Neighbourhood bc why not 👀

“Ugh, I said I’m sorry for pushing you to the mud and gave you my joggers. Why are you still glaring at me, Yeosang?” San whines. The blond man, Yeosang, just looks at him one more time before sighing. “You are so annoying sometimes. I still don’t know why I put up with you.” San swears that Yeosang facepalms inside himself but doesn’t comment on it. He hears a giggle and turns to look at his other friend.

“That includes you too, Woo.” The blond man snaps without missing a beat. San hides his laugh behind coughs although Yeosang realizes it immediately and shoots him a dangerous glare. They stop when the elevator dings. San almost forgets where they are. The black-haired man, Wooyoung, exits first and the others follow him without talking. They stop at a grey door while Wooyoung searches for his key.

“And welcome- oh, my dad is home,” Wooyoung speaks surprisingly as if he doesn’t believe that his father actually is home. His friends behind him feel lost. The one with pink hair pushes his hair back, sharing a look with the blond man next to him. Isn't it normal for his dad to be home at 8pm? Isn’t it a normal hour to come home for adults?

“Is your dad not supposed to be home Woo?” San asks. Wooyoung always gets quiet or changing the topic whenever San or Yeosang asks him about his parents or his home. The only thing they know that his parents divorced when he was a child and he lives with his father. This is the first time they ever come to Wooyoung’s home although they have been friends for three years. They feel like the topic is rather taboo for the black-haired man so they never want to make him uncomfortable, asking those questions.

“Uh-huh,” Wooyoung mumbles absently, walking towards the kitchen. Yeosang and San don’t know what to do than following him. “Hi, dad. Don’t you have work today?” they hear him asking. They stand at the door, not facing the inside. They don’t know if it is okay to step inside or not. “Oh no, I come back early and thought we could get dinner together.” San hears a man talking smoothly. It was the most attractive voice he has ever heard. It catches him off guard for a moment.

“I… I have friends over though. Will it be a problem?” Wooyoung’s voice shakes slightly and there is a pause on the other side of the wall. San thinks they should go back and catch the bus but before he turns to Yeosang, Wooyoung’s dad speaks. “It is alright. Where are they?” There is a pause again and before San catches what is going on, he is pulled with so much force that he stumbles through the kitchen. He almost falls on his face but he catches his steps before embarrassing himself.

He lifts his head up, mentally preparing to introduce himself and praying that it will go smoothly but his breath hitches in his throat. The man standing before himself, supposedly his best friend’s father, is the hottest man he has ever lay his eyes on. San stops thinking and just stares at the man. His shiny black eyes looking from Yeosang to him, his nose looking like a sculptor’s work, his lips looking so kissable that San is sure that they taste as delicious as they seem. He snapped out of his trance when Yeosang pokes him harshly. He notices that Wooyoung’s father expands his hand while staring at him curiously.

San takes a breath to calm his wild imagination about the hands of his best friend’s father and shakes the hand. The man’s hand is warm and firm. San can’t help but wonder how it feels around his-before he finishes the sentence, San slaps himself mentally. His shouldn’t-be-named thing twitches from the thought but San is quick to smile at the man and “Nice to meet you, sir. I’m San.” says with a confident voice. His voice wavered slightly but the man doesn’t comment on it even he hears it.

“You can call me Seonghwa if you want. I’m okay whatever you want to call me.” He smiles and pulls his hand from San. The pink-haired man misses it immediately, watching the man’s attention changing himself to Wooyoung. He eyes the man, Seonghwa, up and down, trying to be subtle about it but fails miserably. How can a father look so hot and delicious? It should be illegal, San thinks. The formal pants wrap his legs perfectly, showing his thick thighs which San wants nothing to do other than worshipping them. His shirt’s sleeves roll up, showing his forearms and his veins in a sinful way. The first three buttons open and there is no need to imagine how his chest and collarbone look like because everything is on display. San is sure he drools at some point before Wooyoung calls his name.

“San, do you want me to undo your hair?” San looks at him dumbly, wanting to know what he means by that, only to remember that he has braids on his hair. Suddenly, San feels self-conscious about himself. His school shirt is open and there is an anime t-shirt under it. His pink hair has three braids, two on his right one on his left. He curses himself to let Yeosang do braids. His cheeks feel hot and suddenly he can’t look at the man before him. He just wishes that the ground opens up and swallows him whole.

“I think they are cute.”

San freezes for a second before looking up and meeting a warm gaze meeting his. His insides move, his organs jump around and he feels like he can do everything the world challenges him to.

Yeosang puts the plates on his hold and automatically San goes to prepare the table. He acts like someone switches his robot mode on. His mind has Seonghwa’s “cute” on repeat.

And that’s the time he realizes that he fucks up, big this time.


	2. teasing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! New update!  
> I forgot to say a few things in first chapter so let me say them in this chapter~
> 
> Firstly, English isn't my first language, that's probably the biggest reason why there are mistakes. I try to read and fix my mistakes but sometimes it might go unnoticed. I have written aus in my mother tongue before, so I'm still learning to write in English efficiently. Feel free to fix my mistakes f you see any.  
> Constructive criticism is always welcome tho 🤓  
> Second, my writing style always consists of abrupting endings(not final endings lmao, I'm talking about chapter endings) like you can read and be like "wait- it ends?!?" there is really no reason why I do that but I wanted to say it djkasfjskf so yeah, thanks for reading/listening my rants  
> Oh and finally, this is [my twitter](https://twitter.com/cherrytomymoon) y'know,,, just in case,, if you want to yell at me or crying with me over the boys 🥺👉🏽👈🏽 *drops it and runs away*
> 
> Also thanks for reading it! *Bangchan voice* Stay tuned for new chapters! ♡

Staring the sky, San realizes how life drags you around however it wants. One moment, you have the best memories of you and your best friend, and the next moment, you develop a huge crush on one of your best friend’s dad.

“San, do you want to come over?” Wooyoung asks from where he lays. They are watching the sky and clouds since it is the weekend and they have nothing to do. San takes a sip from his coke. He deliberates his opinions for a second. Should he go home where there is no one or should he go to his best friend’s house and play games together?

His mind wandered to Seonghwa, his very hot crush who happens to be the father of his best friend. He sighs internally. That night which Seonghwa called his braids cute went well although he couldn’t stop to look at the older man. He wants to bang his head to the wall. Repeatedly. Because he acts like a teenager who falls in love for the first time. San is 18. He is an adult so he should act like one.

“What about Yeosang?” San asks, throwing away his finished coke. Wooyoung gets up suddenly and pouts. “He ditched, saying he needed to attend some family gatherings.” San glances at the pouting man. He has a feeling that the reason why Wooyoung pouts has nothing to do with Yeosang ditching them.

“Let’s go. I can’t wait to beat someone in Valorant.” He stands up, then reaching a hand for Wooyoung. The latter smirks and takes the hand to get up. “Aye.” He sticks his tongue and runs. San yells and chases him. They laugh and run until they reach the apartment door.

When Wooyoung opens the door, the silence embraces them. San’s eyes search for a certain figure but no one is home. He tries to ignore his disappointment. He is here for playing games with his friend for god’s sake. He shakes his head and follows his friend through the house. They enter the room without a word.

Wooyoung opens one of his drawers while San jumps on the bed. He giggles and turns, sitting at the end to watch his friend. Wooyoung pulls out the consoles from the drawer. He opens the TV and goes to sit next to his friend.

“Black is mine.” San snatches the black console from the man as soon as he sits. Wooyoung whines uselessly. San throws a victory sign and enters the game. “Let’s play.” He says, ignoring Wooyoung’s whines about the console.

They startle when they hear the male voice. They share a look. At that time, San realizes they lose themselves in the game. Wooyung gets up to get out of the room but before that, the door opens and reveals his dad. San’s heart quickens at the same time his eyes meet the black ones.

“Oh. Hi, San. I didn’t know you were staying over.” He greets him, then looks at Wooyoung who pretending to look unbothered by the fact that his dad wants some answer obviously. The son is about to speak up but San beats him to it. “Wait- Staying over- No-” he searches his phone frantically and when he finds it, he curses.

“Holy fuck- I mean holy bible-” He hisses. Why can’t he act normal just once? Seonghwa chuckles amusingly and San melts. I’m going to sue him for being godly handsome, he thinks. He wants to scream at him but also kiss him. He glances at his phone’s clock one more time and groans. He has to walk home now since he missed the last bus. “Uh… I need to go. Sorry for staying so late.” He murmurs.

“Can’t you stay- Dad, can he stay for tonight?” Wooyoung speaks suddenly, throwing puppy eyes at his dad, fully knowing his father can’t say no to him. San opens his mouth; ready to decline it kindly but Seonghwa stops him. “Sure, give him some clothes and spare toothbrush.” He smiles at San and gets out of the room.

Wooyoung jumps at him, hugging tightly. “Oh my god! Yes! It will be fun!” He rambles about everything, not caring for San’s dumbfounded situation. Before San comprehends all of it, he finds himself in some oversize t-shirt and short shorts. “It makes your legs stand out perfectly, Sannie.” Wooyoung muses while preparing the king-size bed for them. He takes the toothbrush his friend gave him and goes to the bathroom.

He stares at his own reflection for a minute and then shrugs. He puts paste, which he found on the counter, on the toothbrush. He takes a deep breath before starting to brush his teeth. He is staying over Wooyoung’s. Okay, no big deal. Expect the fact that he is kind of nervous. This is the first time he stays over Wooyoung’s. They usually hang out at Yeosang’s house since it has the most welcoming feeling among their houses.

“San, did you finish? I need to talk to you.” He hears the man and quickly washes his mouth. He stumbles through the living room, noticing that Seonghwa comfortably sits at the loveseat, focusing on his phone. He wants to sit beside him so much but restrain himself from doing it. He decides to sit in front of him instead.

“Um…” He doesn’t know what to say but it brings Seonghwa’s full attention to him from his phone. San’s ear feels hot and his heart misses a beat from the sudden eye contact. Fucking calm down, he scolds himself mentally. “I need your parents’ number so I can inform them that you are staying over,” Seonghwa speaks smoothly. San wonders if he uses that voice tone when he works too.

“Oh, no problem. They don’t care.” The pink-haired guy just smiles at the older man. He is about to go to the room but a hand holds his own. He startles, looking down to see Seonghwa’s hand gently grabs his own hand, warming it. He panics in his mind, his thoughts about the older man’s hand running inside his brain and-

“What do you mean? I’m sure they care-“

San interrupts him when realizing why Seonghwa stops him.

“No. My parents are dead. My Aunt is looking after me and she doesn’t care as long as I won’t go to jail or die probably.”

San feels Seonghwa’s hand clenches around him tightly. Great, now Seonghwa pities him. San avoids looking at him directly. He counts the stripes on the carpet. “San...” He hears Seonghwa’s gentle voice when he is on the tenth stripe. He doesn’t want to talk about it honestly but he feels like he has no choice. He prepares himself and looks at the older man without any emotion.

“It is okay. I don’t resent anyone. You also don’t need to feel sorry for me.” He pulls his hand. He watches the man’s reaction for a second. Then, he puts his index finger under Seonghwa’s chin and makes him look up. Before Seonghwa reacts, San speaks.

“But y’know, if you really want to feel anything for me, I prefer it to be you lusting over my ass.” He winks and pulls his finger. Without ever looking back, he goes to the Wooyoung’s room. He closes the door and leans against it. Wooyoung seems sleeping, breathing softly, and snoring from time to time.

Shit, San thinks.

He throws himself on the bed. Wooyoung grumbles something and turns. He has no idea what goes on his best friend’s mind at the moment.

San thinks about Seonghwa’s expression. He is surprised. Probably he doesn’t expect something like that from San but it isn’t negative, at least San thinks so. The pink-haired guy turns and puts his hand under his head. Seonghwa’s lips look so inviting, his eyes shine more under the fluorescents. San sighs. He is going deep and he should stop before it is too late.

The next morning, San wakes up before Wooyoung. It is quite early, considering the sun has just risen. San feels bewildered; he wakes up early from his usual hour. Before he thinks more, his bladder warns him. His eyes open wide and he tumbles out of the bed to run to the bathroom.

He opens the door without thinking and comes eye to eye with the last person he wants. His eyes look down reluctantly only to find the man before him very much naked. Everything happens in seconds.

San shrieks and closes his eyes with his hands. Seonghwa struggles, not knowing what to do and searching for something to cover up. “Shit- No- Fuck- I mean-” he babbles helplessly, cursing himself to leave his towel on the hanger which is behind the door.

San peeks a little bit between his fingers. The man has a body which looks lean but at the same time firm. He hit the gym a lot, San presumes. His eyes wandered a little bit down, following the hairy lines until he sees the thing he wants to see most.

 _Oh god_. San is hyperventilating. God does his job so fine on this man, all San wants to do is worship.

Seonghwa clears his throat nervously and it brings San back to the world. He pulls his hand from his face. He meets Seonghwa’s gaze boldly, trying not to look down although Seonghwa pulls shower liner to hide his certain areas. “Sorry. I should have knocked.” San says and pats himself mentally when his voice comes out certain, not showing his panic.

Seonghwa seems embarrassed, not meeting San’s bold stare while holding the curtain tightly. His ears look lightly red. San is confused. This mature, old man is embarrassed, just because of San walking on him? Oh boy. San’s pride swells in his chest just because he is the reason why his handsome crush feels frustrated.

“Uh… San, can you pass the towel behind the door? Please?” he laughs nervously. He looks like he is in pain but the pink-haired guy doesn’t say anything about it and does what is asked to.

Seonghwa put the towel around his waist as soon as he takes it from San’s hand. He murmurs a quiet thanks to San. He makes a move to leave the bathroom.

“Well, there is nothing that you need to worry about. It is a feast for the eyes- my eyes, I mean. ” San says through his smirking and there is a teasing tone in his voice which he doesn’t even try to hide. Seonghwa doesn’t say anything, just exits from the bathroom. San feels his bladder’s warning so he shuts the door.

When he gets out of the bathroom, he goes to the kitchen. He finds Seonghwa fully dressed this time. Their eyes meet and this time Seonghwa doesn’t avoid his stare. He opens his mouth but gets interrupted by his son.

“Good morning.” Wooyoung rubs his eyes after he yawns. He doesn’t notice the awkward aura between his father and his best friend. He goes straight to the fridge, pulling cartoon milk. “Did you sleep well, Sannie?” he asks. His voice still sounds a little bit husky. He puts the milk to a glass while his dad sits at the table, pretending to be busy on his phone.

“Yes until I need to pee.” San looks at Seonghwa who tenses for a moment before forcing himself to relax. San decides to test the waters. He peers at the older man before talking. “And I feel great because of the thing I saw the first time in the morning.”

Wooyoung jumps when his dad coughs abruptly. “Are you okay, dad?” he asks after he passes a glass of water to him, forgetting about what San said before. His father drinks it, being stubborn not to meet an obvious person’s gaze. “Yeah, I- uh- I should go to the work. Have fun.” He gets up, walking rather a bit faster than usual. His son doesn’t notice it, just follows him to the door with San behind him.

“Have a good day.” Wooyoung smiles at his father.

Seonghwa smiles at him, ruffling his hair lovingly. Seonghwa looks at his son one last time before dropping his gaze on San who is intensely staring at him. He shivers. He hates the fact that a high schooler makes him feel all- all these things he doesn’t want to admit. “See you.” He goes out of the apartment, hastily going into the elevator.

He takes a deep breath.

He needs to buy that self-control books that he laughs at when his co-worker mentions them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter looked like a lot of going on. I was feeling so many things at the same time lmao 
> 
> Sorry if you get whiplash a lot but bear with me a little please^^
> 
> AND I KNOW I WRITE TOO MUCH NOTES-- SORRY ABOUT THAT TOO. I GET EXCITED SO EASILY THAT'S WHY 🥺


	3. something couldn't be deciphered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! A new update!  
> I might have mistakes bcs I am so sleepy  
> Yet, I wanted to write but suddenly I have so much inspirations so I had a strong urge to write it so I have finished in a 5 hours??? Yeah lmao  
> Anyways this chapter is longer than before so I hope you can enjoy it!!  
> Let me know your thoughts on comment section!!  
> Love you! Be safe!

Seonghwa sighs. He forgets the count of how many he sighs. He thinks of one thing he shouldn’t think. 

  
San. Choi San. The dearest friend of his son.

He has been literally ignoring the said-boy. He has been going home really late and basically escaping from San. 

He hates it. He hates how he thinks the boy’s pink hair looks cute with little braids or how smooth the said boy’s legs. He really shouldn’t think of him or anything related to him. Seonghwa is an adult. San is… an adult too. Wooyoung said he is 18. Seonghwa suddenly wonders why San is still in high school. He should have started to work by then. A look of curious furrows his brows. 

His door knocks and he slightly jumps when his thoughts interrupt. He clears his throat before the door opens. His co-worker walks in. He hates to call him his co-worker but Hongjoong calls out his professionalism when they are in the work, saying they should act like the CEO and the COO. 

“You look like shit.” the man before him says, looking over him after he closes the door. Seonghwa laughs. The so-called professionalism flies out of the window when Hongjoong closed the door. The boss didn’t say anything, just reaching his hand to the documents that his co-worker is currently holding, silently asking them to sign. Wordlessly, the short man gives the papers to him, eyeing him curiously. 

He doesn’t remember seeing Seonghwa, the CEO of the KQ Business, and his very best friend, this distracted before. He wants to ask what is the matter but he feels like it shouldn’t a good time but again, he doesn’t have any filter when they are alone.

He sits down. He crosses his legs and puts his arm on the back of the expensive leather couch. One of his eyebrows shoots up when Seonghwa stubbornly isn’t looking at him so he chooses to speak.

“What is going on? Don’t “it is nothing” at me by the way. I have been your friend since you confessed your so-called undying love for some 6 years old girl when you are 4 and got rejected.” he talks fast in case Seonghwa wants to interrupt his speech.

Seonghwa looks at him amusingly, recalling the memory very clearly. He wonders if he really should talk to someone or not. He doesn’t want to be judged but again, Hongjoong knows him for a long time and he really doesn’t the type to judge so quickly. He weighs his options in his mind before decides to talk with him.

“Okay so, one of my friends has someone- but not like that,” he adds quickly. “He knows this guy through… some acquaintances. And this guy always flirts him, saying things he shouldn’t have said.” 

Saying Hongjoong is amused by this babbling is really an understatement. Who is this youngster that has Seonghwa wrapped his little finger already? He wants to laugh at him but he doesn’t since he is the best friend anyone has ever had. 

Seonghwa glances at him, sighs, realizing that there is no back-up. 

“And that person is flirting with my friend but the circumstances aren’t good such as this person is a lot younger than me- I mean, my friend.” Seonghwa’s voice raises one octave, eyes opening wide when he realizes his mistake.

The COO solemnly nods his head although he wants to laugh so bad. Seonghwa looks really troubled although the situation is quite hilarious to his friend. 

“So your friend is troubled by this behavior? Then just told him to stop. I mean your friend should tell him to stop.” Hongjoong coughs.   
Seonghwa shakes his head. “He told him to stop multiple but that person doesn’t listen to him at all.” 

He recalls one of these days when he scolds San. 

San stays over that day. Seonghwa doesn’t mind him staying over since he heard from Wooyoung how San’s aunt doesn’t really care and San being carefree, usually spends his time out until dawn. So Seonghwa prefers him to stay over than to stay outside that long. 

Yet it doesn’t mean that San will be a good boy. On the contrary, San is bold, like really bold. Whenever they are alone, he flirts with the older man shamelessly and Seonghwa is struck all of a heap. 

When San first flirted with Seonghwa, the latter was so surprised that he couldn’t even think about a reply but when it happened the second time, Seonghwa scolded him like how he scolded his son. However, it wasn’t enough for San to stop.

That day, he walked to the kitchen, wanted to grab some coffee before drowning in documents due to this week’s meeting. San was there, he was wearing his short shorts, showing off his perfect thighs. Seonghwa averted his gaze and wordlessly went to the kitchen island, momentarily forgot why he was there. He remembered it as a cup of coffee put in front of him. He turned and met the warm but playful gaze.

“Here, this is why you came, isn’t it?” San spoke smoothly like he wasn’t the same person to suggest Seonghwa for a dick appointment with him yesterday. Seonghwa silently thanked him, grabbing the cup, was about to go to his office when San cleared his throat. 

The older man turned to the bright-haired boy, arching one of his eyebrows, waited for whatever he wanted to say. This was his first mistake.

“You know I realized you like your tea how you like women,” San said with confidence boozing his frame. Seonghwa looked at him dumbfoundedly, then looked at his cup full of coffee and then at San.

“I hate tea and I am drinking coffee?” this was a question more than a statement. When San’s smile got bigger, Seonghwa realized his second and bigger mistake but it was too late.

“Exactly.” San wiggled his eyebrows and winked at the older man, leaning on the kitchen island. Seonghwa really tried hard not to stare at those smooth legs.

“San stop it. I could be your father. You are friends with my son.” Seonghwa sighs really, he is tired from all of these. The butterflies in his stomach weren’t helping either. He felt something touch his forearm. He turned and faced San who was wearing more confident expression.

“well, you should punish me then…” San stood up on his toes and Seonghwa gasped, couldn’t give the breath he took. “daddy.” San finished his sentence. He drew back just in time to see Seonghwa’s dark eyes before Seonghwa collected himself, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“San, this isn’t funny. You should behave,” he said sternly. Seonghwa went to the office without waiting for an answer, fixing his sweatpants uncomfortably too stubborn to take care of it. 

“Seonghwa?” Hongjoong’s voice brings him back. He lifts his head up to see Hongjoong’s concern expression. He waves his hand left and right. “Sorry, what were you saying?”  
Hongjoong doesn’t buy it but neither questions it. Seonghwa is thankful to his friend to not dwell on it more. 

“I said does your friend know why that person acts like that?” Hongjoong arches one manicured eyebrow of his. Seonghwa thinks about it while his co-worker continues to speak. “You say that person is younger than your friend, right? Maybe all he wants is some response from your friend?” 

His office phone calls before he thinks about it more. Hongjoong got up and waves wordlessly. 

“Yes?” he answers his assistant, trying to focus on his work.

The time when seonghwa got home is quite early than his usual coming hours. He loosens up his tie after taking off his shoes, walking towards the living room, finds Wooyoung watching some old movies. 

“Welcome home.” His son smiles at him although he isn’t expecting his dad to come home this early. 

Seonghwa smiles at him and brushes his son’s hair back to put a kiss on his forehead. Wooyoung giggles and follows his dad after that.

They get into the kitchen. “Are you hungry?” his son nods his head vigorously to the question. The older man laughs and rolls his sleeve up. He opens the fridge, looking for ingredients. “You don’t have to wait for me to eat. You should have cooked something,” he says, taking the vegetables, he decides to make some pasta.

“I know but… I want to eat together.” The son’s voice gets quieter towards the end. Seonghwa stops, turning to study his son’s face. Wooyoung doesn’t look at him, plays with his t-shirt’s edge, biting his lips nervously. 

Seonghwa pulls him for a hug, crushing his little body in his arms. “I’m sorry.” he apologizes quietly, knowing it isn’t enough. He knows it is kind of painful for his son to see his dad not often as other boys in his age. He wants to be there for him always but he has to work too. 

“It’s alright. I’m not upset or lonely. San was here before you came here.” Hearing the name does the numerous things to Seonghwa. He drew apart his son to prepare their meal. There is a comfortable silence until Seonghwa asks the thing he promised himself to not ask.

“So… How are your friends?” he asks, kind of feeling awkward. Wooyoung doesn’t notice it, preparing the table for the supper, hums for a minute.

“They are good. Recently, it is only San and me since Yeosang has been busy for a school festival because he is the president of the student council.” 

Seonghwa nods absently. “So San… Uhm… what about his parents?” he cringing himself. Does he have to be so awkward? It is just his son’s friend, nothing more than that. Yeah, like he hasn’t been trying to get into your pants, Seonghwa nags internally. 

“Oh… Well…” Seonghwa feels he steps a taboo, studying his son’s solemn face. 

“His parents died when he was 6. In a car accident, he said but I don’t know the details. He is always… quiet about it like he is unusually quiet when Yeosang and I talk about our family so we avoid these kinds of topics all the time. We don’t him to feel upset or awkward because of us.” Seonghwa’s pride swells hearing his son’s thoughts. He feels proud to raise him like this. He pats his back and Wooyoung smiles at him before continuing.

“He was in the accident and stayed in the intensive care unit. That’s why he was older than us by one year since he couldn’t attend school at that time.” Wooyung says while putting the salad on the table. Seonghwa divides the pasta two and places it to the plates. He makes his way to the table and puts one of the plates in front of his son. 

“Thank you.” Wooyoung’s smile reaches his eyes. “And I know his aunt was the legal guardian until last year. Now, she lets him stay at her home but never really cares about him. Um… Like last year he didn’t go home for a week and his aunt only called for him to ask if he died or something.” Wooyoung coughs uncomfortably. Seonghwa freezes, not knowing what to say according to this. He could have gone mad if Wooyoung didn’t come home for a week. 

“His aunt doesn’t care about him but San doesn’t care about her too. Their only interaction is San asking for money and his aunt giving him money.” Wooyoung shrugs, filling his mouth with pasta. They stay in silence until Wooyoung talks again.

“I think… I mean it is only my opinion but San actually misses his parents. When he stays over, he always whimpers in his sleep, calling his mom or his dad. He always acts like happy or doesn’t care about his parents being dead but it actually affects him.” Wooyoung’s voice is raw with emotions. He knows his dad isn’t here all the time for him but he prefers it rather than to be alone. He knows it is selfish to think like that but he doesn’t think that he can do it like how San can fight against the difficulties. He is happy the way he is with his father.

Seonghwa only nods, understanding the situation. “Okay, can you do the dishes? I need to make a phone call,” he states, getting up from his seat, ignores his son’s whine about not wanting to wash the dishes. 

He fishes his phone out to call Hongjoong for the new pact. He doesn’t try to ponder on a certain person. He focuses on the pact he should be arranging until Wednesday instead.

Seonghwa goes to sleep when the clock hits 3 am. He looks at his calendar one more time if there is anything he should remember or not. He checks his to-do list. When everything looks okay, he stretches his limps. He feels drained. He needs to wake up at 8. He groans and makes his way to the room.   
The next day, Seonghwa finds himself at work before even waking up properly. He shakes his head, trying to wake up even more because he is at work and he needs to work.  
The door opens and reveals his best friend. 

“Wow, you look like shittier than yesterday.” Hongjoong whistles, sitting down the leather couch, makes himself at home. Seonghwa wants to deny it but the man has a point. He couldn’t sleep, thinking about the pink-haired boy and his past. 

He realizes San is more than some flirtatious guy. San is brave for bearing all of these burdens. San is sorrowful because he is still a boy who misses his parents. San is just a child who wants nothing more than being with his family again. San is admirable for still laughing at jokes, playing with his friends, fooling around with his agemates.   
This is solely and exclusively why Seonghwa found himself in deep thoughts and feelings for the said boy. No matter how much Seonghwa tries to stop himself from going up to him, he can’t win this. San is a magnet and Seonghwa is the opposite of this magnet, attracts to San.

“From the earth to Seonghwa, hello? Somebody in there?” a hand waving in front of him brings him back to the world. He blinks his eyes multiple times to comprehend things. Hongjoong looks at him with such a concerned look that makes him feel guilty. “Sorry.” He muttered quietly.   
Hongjoong eyes him up and down. 

“You are awfully lost in thoughts lately. Are you doing alright? Is it because of Wooyoung?” he asks, knowing how the son of his best friend gives him hell sometimes. Though he can’t stay mad at Wooyoung too long. He has the luck of the devil.

Speaking of the devil, Hongjoong thinks when Seonghwa’s special ringtone for his son is rising in the quiet room. Seonghwa picks it up in the second ring. 

“Hey.” Hongjoong wants to swat Seonghwa for being so whipped for his own son. He smiles from ear to ear and his gaze softens whenever he talks with Wooyoung or someone mentions him. 

“Um dad, are you busy?” Wooyoung’s uncertain voice tone makes Seonghwa sit upward, ready to stand up in any case. “No, what happened?” he asks, praying nothing serious happens. “Well… I might forget to tell you that we have a parent-teacher day today…” his son’s voice wavered towards the end, kind of scared that he is getting scolded, yet his dad only takes a deep breath and releases it. Smiling again, “Okay, I will be here, though I might come late but don’t worry.” he reassures his son. Hearing the relief sigh, he smiles more. “Okay! See you!” and after that, Wooyoung hangs up. 

Seonghwa shakes his head, getting up, grabs his coat before informing Hongjoong where he will go. 

He straight goes to his car. He checks his watch on his wrist. He could make it in time. 

After twenty minutes long driving, he comes to the school which his boy attends in. He gets off, walking towards the main building, knows the stares on him but ignores them.   
He finds his son’s classroom in record time. Wow, I’m getting better at this, he praises himself mentally while looking solemn outside. His son’s familiar voice reaches to him with another familiar laughing. He turns to see his son and his best friends. 

Yeosang looks embarrassed, probably from Wooyoung’s high pitched voice and San only looks at Seonghwa with such an intensity filling his gaze just finished his laughing while his best friend waves to his father.

Seonghwa gulps down. San’s stare doesn’t help thoughts. They come to him and he stands, only staring at San. “Dad, sorry for not informing you earlier.” Wooyoung apologizes, drops his head. The dad in the question turns his head to him and laughs, ruffling his hair. “It is okay, I’m here.” and he greets the other two boys. They bow slightly. 

“My parents are here, I gotta go,” Yeosang says, bowing one more time before flying to his parents’ side.   
Seonghwa watches San’s eyes lingering on the way Yeosang goes but slightly shakes his head before playfully smirking at Seonghwa. The latter tries to breathe evenly, determined not to show how this boy affects him.

“Where is your aunt, San?” As soon as the question leaves the older man’s mouth, San’s smirk drops. Seonghwa knows he is swimming in the risky waters but he can’t help it.   
Seonghwa watches him. His eyes beg to be averted but San is stubborn. The more Seonghwa looks at his eyes, the more the boy’s eyes show his disappointment and his sadness behind a mask of joy. San’s lips trembles, biting his lips. His ears are red and his pink hair five braids as the older man count secretly.

“She isn’t coming.” San states without any emotion. Wooyoung senses his aura and steps in. “I will go and find the teacher.” he leaves them alone. San’s eyes finally leave him to look around. His eyes suddenly fill something the older man can’t put his finger into. San is one step closer, trying to be subtle about it but Seonghwa isn’t having any of it. He arches one of his eyebrows at him. San chews his lips before averting his gaze. Finally, Seonghwa thinks. It feels nice when he makes the other uncomfortable. This is really lame but again, Seonghwa can’t help it.

Before he talks about anything, a too-sweet scent invades his nose and he wants to throw up. 

“Hi, I’m Wooyoung’s homeroom teacher.” a high-pitched voice gains his attention and when he turns around, he finds where that scent comes from. Wooyoung’s teacher, by any means, is unattractive. She has the only flaw that she uses perfumes that too sweet for Seonghwa’s liking. Her long hair comes to her hips and she is one of the youngest teachers that the school has. 

The teacher talks about something but Seonghwa is too distracted to follow what she says. Instead, he notices San’s stare and notices why he stares like that.   
He turns around and looks at the hand on his forearm. He smiles.

He is jealous, Seonghwa thinks. It makes something in his chest jumps and he shakes that thought to rid of it. God. He really should stop before it is too late.   
He survives from the meeting, from the moms who want to talk with him, from the teachers who want his number in any case something happens to Wooyoung. Somehow he dodges the questions successfully and then goes to his car without waiting even for a minute. 

When he comes home, it is past midnight. The apartment is calm and peaceful when he steps inside. He flops down on the couch, loosening his tie, throws his tie, and his bag to the floor. After that meeting, he went back to the work, only to find more documents to read over. 

He is exhausted. It is really hard for him to walk to his door. He is considering sleeping on the couch when he hears a door opening. He wants to look and says something to his son but his body just doesn’t move. He can’t even open his eyes. He hears foot padding on the floor, getting closer to him. The feet stop next to him but he doesn’t hear anything. 

He forces himself to open his eyes only finding a very surprised two eyes, nothing looks like his son’s. He wants to push him away but he feels so tired. Or does he really?   
San’s eyes bore into him and he suddenly feels so naked although the only thing he takes off is his tie. 

“Hey, Daddy.” San giggles and it makes Seonghwa move. He pushes his body up and holds San’s fragile wrists, making him sit next to him. His wrists feel warm. His whole body radiates warmth and Seonghwa wants nothing but basks into this warmth but he stops himself.   
He can’t. And he won’t.

“San. This is wrong. You shouldn’t do this. You don’t know what you are doing.” He says calmly. San laughs because he finds it ironic. There is no one to teach him what is right and what is wrong. He has no one other than himself. 

He laughs wetly before boldly directing his gaze at Seonghwa. 

“Or what? Are you going to punish me? I literally have been begging you to do it since day one.” he teased and tries to put his hands on thick thighs before him but Seonghwa’s hold is firm yet gentle. 

San stops and looks at him like really looks at him. And that’s when Seonghwa realizes something he hasn’t seen before.


	4. everything is going downhill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay time to cry! lmao  
> Yeah, the whole chapter is full of angst so prepare your tissues I guess!  
> It should have come early but I was busy with streaming/voting and my personal life lol  
> Next chapter won't come for a while since I have roommate problems and need to handle it so I won't be home for while. I want to finish it before I go-  
> So I hope you guys will like this chapter!  
> See you next time!!  
> Until then, take care, wear mask, love yourself because I love you!!

“W-what?” San speaks, trying to free himself from Seonghwa. The older man doesn’t say anything, just studying San, holds him firmly. Hongjoong’s voice echoes in his mind while the pink-haired boy tries to pull his hands. 

“Maybe all he wants is some response from your friend”, huh? Seonghwa can’t help but noticing San’s restless behavior when he doesn’t get any reaction from the man.   
San’s hands tremble, his whole body seems trembling. Perhaps Seonghwa didn’t make him sit down, he could have fallen down. He avoids the older man’s gaze. He stops his movements altogether, he breathes unevenly.

Seonghwa curses himself. How did he really not realize it? Everything starts to fall into place. San’s past, Hongjoong’s opinion. Everything.

“San.” Seonghwa softly calls him. San immediately lifts his head, his eyes shine from being called. He is about to open his mouth but Seonghwa stops him.  
“You don’t love me, San, at least not in that way.” Seonghwa’s voice is calm and sounds like a lullaby although the tip of his ears starts to redden.   
San looks puzzled. What does it mean?

“Listen, I knew your… your past and your current situation.” Seonghwa’s soft voice reaches his ears but he can’t understand the situation. His brain gives red signs but his body doesn’t listen to it.  
“I’m the father of your best friend, San. You mistake _your love for me_ with your desire for a father figure.” Seonghwa emphasizes his words. He takes a deep breath. He feels something heavy sits in his chest. Shouldn’t he feel relaxed? What is wrong with him?

San’s eyes lose his focus slowly, catching the older man’s words. Seonghwa really thinks that he wants a father? What- He stops his thinking. Is it really like that? Does he really just want a father? He stops again. No. 

“How do you know that?” San hisses. The man before him probably thinks of him as some annoying brat who has a painful past but San doesn’t buy that.   
The only reason why he wants Seonghwa is that… Seonghwa’s voice fills his sentence, “a desire for a father figure” he says. What a joke.

“I’m 38. You can’t- you don’t love me. Stop acting like you do. It will hurt you before you realize it.” Seonghwa persists despite of the heavy burden on his chest and his mind telling him to stop. He can’t stop. His feelings don’t matter- 

His feelings? 

Seonghwa’s mind should be playing with him. There is no way he has feelings for a high schooler. 

A very handsome and has a cute smile high schooler. 

Sudden realization gnaws at his heart. 

“Who said that? You don’t even try it! How can you be so sure about it?” San raises his voice. His anger gets the best of him. He feels someone squeezes his heart with no mercy. He is torn between wanting to scream at the man and crying his heart out. 

San hiccups, his eyes brimming with tears and the burden on Seonghwa’s chest gets heavier.

Seonghwa closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens his eyes, his gaze is strong and firm. They look like nothing can tear him apart in spite of the storms happening on his heart and brain.

“San. This is my last warning. Stop it.” he speaks dead, not showing any emotions, pulls his hand from the wrists he has been holding onto the whole time. He gets up without waiting for an answer and he marches to his room, leaves a crying San behind him.

When he shuts his door slowly, careful not to wake his son up, he gasps for breath. How can he not realize his feeling before? He was so caught up with San’s behavior, he didn’t even consider his feelings towards the young boy. He hears faint sobs, coming from the living room where he left San. He wants to go there and comfort the boy but he should know better than that. 

He moves away from the door, starting to pace in the room. He pushes his hair back, thinking about his decisions. Did he do the right thing? Was he rude? Should he have been gentler? Should he at least comfort the boy, not leaving him in there? 

Questions are flowing in his mind. He pulls his hair, being flustered, his scalp aches from the action. He lays on his bed, turns around and sighs. 

Did it really worth it to hurt the boy?

The next morning, when Wooyoung wakes up, he finds himself alone. He gets up, stretches his body, and yawns. He wonders if he can convince his father that he is sick and should stay at home? He nearly is sure that San doesn’t mind skipping school for a day although the pink-haired boy hasn't been missing the school since first day. He can at least try.

When he comes to the living room, there is no sign of San. He furrows. He walks towards the kitchen where he only finds his dad, no one else.

“Where is San?” his voice is husky from just waking up. His father turns to him, knits his eyebrows. “He isn’t in your room?” Wooyoung just shakes his head. He remembered that they went to sleep together. Where the hell is San?

Seonghwa watches Wooyoung going to the bathroom. He knows that last night San was in the living room, crying. The older man’s heart aches when the sobbings echo in his brain.

“What?!” Wooyoung screeches stops in his track. Seonghwa watches his son from the kitchen’s door, contemplating if he should ask or not.   
“What happened?” he asks in the end. Wooyoung looks at him, his eyes showing his confusion. 

“He went home in the wee hours. He doesn’t say anything about it at all yesterday. I wonder if something is wrong.” Wooyoung murmurs the last sentence. His father heard it though.

He doesn’t say anything. Guilt already starts eating him alive. He shouldn’t have left him in there, all alone and crying. You had one job Park Seonghwa, he internally scolds himself. 

“Morning- and again, you look like shit.” Hongjoong greets him halfway to his office. Seonghwa rolls his eyes, not saying anything, although he looks fine from outside, his best friend always knows him better than anyone. They walk together, the employees greet them. A boy, who looks like an intern, runs towards them, stopping in front of Hongjoong, trying to catch his breath while his superior calms him down. “Uh… sir one of- one of clients called-and-” he is still out of breath while talking so Hongjoong stops him. “okay, breathe firstly.” the boy stops talking and focuses on his breathing. Hongjoong smiles at him. “Now, go and find Chief Kang. I will wait for you in my room. We can handle whatever the problem is. Okay?” The boy nods fast and disappeared as he came. 

“Is he an intern?” Seonghwa asks while staring at the way the boy disappeared. The boy awfully looks like the person, whom Seonghwa wants to forget. Young, sweet, lively.   
His friend looks taken aback, not expecting the CEO to ask this kind of question. He isn’t really interested in who is an employee and who is an intern.

“Yeah, I will drop by your office later. Gotta go.” They part their ways, Seonghwa going left to the elevator and Hongjoong going right to his subordinate’s office.  
The CEO shakes his head, he needs to take a break from thinking about the certain boy crying in the living room.

He steps inside his office after telling his assistant to send everything to him under his assistant’s weird looking. He looks at the file stack and chooses one of them to start. 

Two hours later, he wants to cry. He wishes he didn’t say that now his pride doesn’t let him call his assistant to take care of some. And his plan to lose himself in the work doesn’t work at all. He still thinks about the pink-haired boy and his ridiculously cute braids and dimpled smiles and playful warm gaze. 

Seonghwa is damned. He bangs his head to the desk at the same time the door opens. He already knows who is it so he whines.

“I hate myself.” his voice cracks up. He doesn’t know if it is because of the boy whom he hurt or the file stacks which doesn’t look like getting smaller any time.  
“Wow, easy. It’s my line, not yours. Yours would be “oh life is great, I have a son and birds are chirping.” Hongjoong snickers, ignoring the hateful glare he gets from the other. He makes himself at home, laying down the couch.

“How did it go with that boy who flirted with you?” He says without looking at the other. He closes his eyes, releasing a deep breath.

“It sucked. I sucked.” Seonghwa sighs and then- “Wait! No-I mean it wasn’t me- It was my friend and he-” Hongjoong, being annoyed, opens his eyes and interrupts him. “Stop lying, you dipshit. You really think I will buy that cheap “a friend of mine” thing? You have one friend and it stands in front of you. Now tell me. How did it go and who is he?”   
Seonghwa shrinks in his seat like a child who has just been scolded by his mother. Averting his gaze, he gives in. 

“His name is San, he is 18 and heisafriendofwooyoung.” he yabbers towards the end, hoping the COO doesn’t catch it. 

His hopes ruin when Hongjoong fell from where he is laying and- “Wooyoung?!! As in your son Wooyoung!?” he exclaims loudly. His screaming should have been heard from outside if it wasn’t for Seonghwa’s office to be soundproof. 

“Seonghwa- you- oh my god-” Hongjoong seems to be a loss at his words. Another time, the CEO would have been amused by the reaction he got from the shorter man but now isn’t the time. 

The silence wraps them like a blanket for quite some time. Seonghwa doesn’t know what to say or what to expect from the other. Should he say that it is a joke and go about his business or accept whatever disgusting and hateful comments he is about to get?

Hongjoong takes a deep breath, looking one more time at his best friend. He knows him better than everyone. He knows his passion for his job, his kindness to people, his weakness which is his son. So The COO was pretty astonished by the confess he got from. The man before him looks like a puppy who has been kicked just now.

“Okay,” he says. The CEO snapped his head, he blinks more than twice. He looks confused. Is it some kind of acceptance? He wants it to be an acceptance.

“I didn’t know you are into bimbos.” He jokes, hoping that the tense air clears away a little bit. The reaction was instant; The redness on Seonghwa’s cheeks stretches to his ears and he chokes on his own saliva, trying to say something but nothing coherent come of his mouth. “Wha- No-” When he realizes he can’t form a sentence properly, he whines like a child and bangs his head on the desk again. He hates his best friend.

Before he says anything though, Hongjoong continues on. “So, what happened?” his voice gets softer when he realized that his very best friend is scared of his answer. He doesn’t want him to be uncomfortable.

“Uh… I made him cry.” Seonghwa whispers. His eyes suddenly look glassy and Hongjoong is about to freak out. Who the hell is that San? He is powerful to have Park Seonghwa aka The Stone Face wrapped around his little finger.

Seonghwa tells him how the conversation went, San cries because he said the boy just wanted to have a father.   
“His parents died when he was 6,” he replies to the question in Hongjoong’s mind. They are quiet for some time before Hongjoong gets up.

“You know… You did the right thing.” he inhales. Seonghwa doesn’t say anything. “I know you have feelings for him. I really feel for you but Seonghwa he is only 18 and I’m not saying it because of your age.” He walks towards the door, ready to exit the door. “I’m saying it because he hasn’t seen the whole world yet. It will be painful for you if he breaks up with you after one or two months later.” with that, Hongjoong goes out of the room, leaving Seonghwa with his thoughts alone. 

Even the thought hurts Seonghwa. He can’t bear it even now. 

He shakes his head, sighing deeply. He pulls one of the files in front of him. He needs to work. Yeah… He should work.

“Uh… Something is wrong.” Wooyoung whines, sipping his strawberry milk. His blond friend looks annoyed next to him, punching the numbers on the calculator aggressively. “Woo. What the hell are you talking about for the last ten minutes? For fucks’ sake, spit it out already. I’m busy.” He bites harshly. He knows the other doesn’t mind him being aggressive. He is busy with another school festival, calculating their budget. Sometimes he hates being on student council but people in there are nice and let himself be alone, unlike his whiny best friend next to him. 

“I’m talking about San. He hasn’t come to school today too. It has been one week already.” 

Yeosang stops punching the calculator. Wooyoung is right. Even San’s aunt doesn’t care about him or his studies, San is smart and responsible. He had never had an absent day before. It is the first time that San did it.

“He also isn’t replying to me at all. How could be hard that saying he is okay?” Wooyoung sounds like he can cry any minute. Yeosang sighs, patting his hair softly. The other instantly leans into the touch, letting himself be pampered by his best friend. 

“Let’s go to his place today,” Yeosang suggests. Wooyoung nods slowly, too content to say anything, he hopes that San has a good reason for it.

San is anything but weak but now, San is weak. He sits on his bed, he pulls his legs toward himself, resting his chin on his knees. His eyes don’t leave the photo on the bed. The only photo of his and his family. 

He sits on his father’s lap, showing his dimples off while his mother cleans his messy, batter-coated naked chest. His parents are smiling, looking happy.

One of his hand traces his father, a particular adult’s voice in his mind. He wonders if he has been in this much pain before expect his parents’ death. Whenever the-one-who-can’t-be-named’s voice echoes in his brain, saying him he just wants a father figure, some imaginary hands squeeze his lungs, not letting him breathe.

Is that man right though? He doesn’t know. The only thing San knows that he hadn’t had feelings for a person before. Sure, he dates girls and boys but no one makes him feel things like-like Seonghwa.

The name reopens the old wounds. 

He squeezes his arm in an empty attempt to stop himself from crying but his tears won’t listen to him. 

He remembers the first time meeting with the man. He remembers the next day, he lays bare his purposes. He remembers whenever he playfully touches the man’s arm, the latter shudders. He remembers he winks at the man and the said-man just looks away. He remembers all these things like they happened yesterday. He even thought at some point maybe the man likes him too? He noticed the secret staring, the excuses to touch the young boy.

San laughs without any humor hint.

He feels weak. He doesn’t want to move. He doesn’t want to talk. He doesn’t want to listen. He doesn’t want to walk. He doesn’t want to-

He jumps when the door knocked. His aunt is at work. There isn’t anyone he is expecting to. He gets up and goes to the door, waiting for another knock. When he gets it, he opens the door, looking at two very important people in his life and he cries. 

Wooyoung and Yeosang panic. This is the first time they saw the pink-haired boy crying and his sobbing sounds painful.

Wooyoung makes the first move, wrapping his arm around his friend, steps in. San hiccups and something inside Wooyoung shattered. They make their way to San’s room with Yeosang following them quietly.

They sit on the bed, san is between them. They hug him quietly, their eyes meet on the photo. Yeosang puts his head on his crying friend’s shoulder, trying to be comforting.  
After ten minutes of crying and lots of tight hugs, San feels better. He hiccups and sniffs. “I’m sorry. I… I have things to deal with.” His voice is hoarse from crying too much and not speaking for a whole week. His throat feels itchy so he clears it to get rid of the itchiness. 

Wooyoung tightens his grip on his best friend’s shoulder. “What happened? We were worried about you. You didn’t come to school for a week.” He sounds chary, almost like scaring a wild animal unnecessarily. 

San doesn’t meet with their eyes, looking at his naked feet. He wants to talk about it but he doesn’t know what will be Wooyoung’s reaction. And honestly, he is a little bit scared of it. 

“Are you alright? Do you not want to talk about it?” Yeosang’s low voice fills his ears and he sighs. “I’m... I don’t know how to feel. Everything grieves me. I feel like I am suffocating.” The tremor in his voice makes the other boys' heart hurt. They hate to see their dear friend this- this vulnerable. 

San sighs for the umpteenth time. “I want to… talk about it but…” He turns to Wooyoung, gathering all of his courage to meet with the boy’s eyes. “It is kind of related to you.”   
Wooyoung feels lost. He is worried about San, yeah but San saying this makes him nervous and scared all of a sudden. He clears his throat, smiles awkwardly at San who is waiting for his answer. “As long as you don’t declare your undying love to me, I’m cool whatever it is.” he bumps his shoulder to the boy, trying to ease the air. 

However, San just lowers his eyes to the floor again. He starts to talk. “I’m… I’m in love with someone much older than me. He is a great person. Although he doesn’t say anything about me flirting with him, he isn’t completely rejecting me. Well, until last week.” He quickly glances at his two best friends, sees them listening to his story attentively. “He is... He is also an amazing dad who cares about his son and loves him dearly.” He says, waiting for Wooyoung to notice his hint. 

And it cames shortly after he said that. 

“What?” Wooyoung springs to his feet, looking like he can’t believe what he just heard. “San, tell me.” His voice is hard and his eyes beg his friend to tell him that he is lying. “It is- It’s not my father, right?” His voice trembles a little bit.

San of all people likes his dad? What in the world- It can’t be. San doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t do anything apart from breathing. Wooyoung feels like his world is toppling over slowly. 

Yeosang only watches it, scared to intervene. 

“San! Do you even know what you are talking about?” Wooyoung yells, no longer minding his voice. Everything feels dizzy but also everything fits together. How can he not think anything about San’s long stares at his father, his blushing cheeks whenever his dad smiles at him or- or his father checking san out really slowly with something in his eyes? Wait- what? Oh my god.

“My dad- Does he know it?”   
San nods slowly. “He rejected me although I didn’t confess to him. He said that I mistook him with my desire for a father figure.” San sounds like resenting the older man but actually, he resents himself. 

“Oh my god. I can’t believe you. I really can’t believe you.” San hates it when Wooyoung’s voice drips with disappointment and bites. He is again on the verge of tears. “Oh great. Now you are crying because I’m yelling at you, right? It’s me who should be crying now!” 

Yeosang gets up, standing between them. “Woo-” His friend interrupts him harshly. “No. I can’t believe it. I thought you need a loving home.” Wooyoung wags his finger at San, his eyes shine with anger. “And you went and had feelings for my dad? How much a slut can you be?!” He grabs his bag from next to the bed and before leaving the room, he looks at his best friend one last time. “Don’t talk to me from now on. I hate you.” 

As soon as he leaves, San starts to cry harder than before. Yeosang immediately goes to him, wrapping him in a hug. He rocks him back and forth, pats his hair slowly. He shouldn't have suggested visiting San. He should have given all the time to the pink-haired guy he needs. Maybe then, nothing would happen. It’s no use to cry after spilling milk, he thinks. 

After San calms down a little bit, Yeosang looks at him closely. San must have been cried all this time, alone and lonely. 

“I’m sorry.” He mutters, voice cracking up. Yeosang shakes his head and wipes his tears. “Want to talk about it- I mean about… Seonghwa?” The blond asks warily, not wanting to force the pink-haired boy to do something he doesn’t want.

San hesitates before opening his mouth. “I… I had a crush on him since the first time we visited Woo’s home. I don’t know anything about feelings or family.” He admits, laughing wetly at his own stupidity. “He told me that I don’t know what I’m doing so he… uh rejected me.” His tears gather in the corner of his eyes. “And now, not only I lost my love, I lost one of my best friends too.” He buries his head in his hands and starts sobbing, shaking uncontrollably. 

“Oh, San…” Yeosang hugs him tight. The sight of San in pain is hard to endure. He leans his head on San’s hair, patting the crying boy’s back. 

“Everything will be alright.” He speaks slowly and softly. He really wants everything to be alright but he can’t help thinking that if this desperate wish of his will come true or not. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all like it!!  
> Y'know boys just had a comeback and It's super dope! Don't forget to stream and vote for them! They deserve it a lot:')  
> 


	5. maybe it isn't that bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloo!! New update!!
> 
> It came a little bit late since I wasn't quite satisfied with what I wrote. I'm still a little bit unsure about it .-.
> 
> I have been deleting and writing over and over. I don't know why but this chapter compelled me to write.  
> I was about to delete it again but I was so tired and sick of it uhh so
> 
> Here you go!! 
> 
> If it doesn't meet up with your expectations, apologizes in advance!
> 
> P.S: I also edit the tags whenever I post new chapter just so you know 👀

Waking up is easy for San. He is a morning person. He loves the way sun peeking through the curtains. He loves to stretch himself out, only to sink himself in the warm bed more. Like a lazy cat, he spends the first or second minutes of his in the bed, feeling calm and untroubled. However, in the last three days, San feels like waking up early is the most offending thing. 

He hates waking up since his mind immediately wandered around the best friend he lost and the love he never got. It is one of these mornings San woke up to. He forces himself to slip out of the bed, leading to the bathroom. He ruffles his hair, frustrated with himself. 

It has been two weeks. He needs to pull himself together. He has been ridiculous. It is over now…- It is over but why does it still hurt so much? Why does it still feel raw whenever Wooyoung’s or Seonghwa’s words resound in his mind? 

His toothbrush falls from his hold when recalling the insults from his best friend or the rejection he got from the man. He places his palm over his chest, gasps in pain. His breath catches on his throat, his lungs feel on fire. His brain commands him to breathe but he feels so weak, not caring for its command. He drops on his knees, one of his hand stays on the counter, gripping it so hard that his knuckles turned white from the pressure. 

His whole body was shaking when suddenly he remembers Seonghwa’s compliment about his half-heart made braids. He lets go of the counter, his eyes are on his lap, watching the tears dripping on his hands. His heart feels warm now, thinking back on the compliment he got from the older man, but imaginary hands are still squeezing it lightly.

Who said that pain makes you stronger? The pain only makes San cry more and more. Pain makes him weaker than he already is. 

His phone rings in his bedroom, pulling him out of his miserable thoughts. He plods to his room, fetches his still ringing phone, and accepts the call with trembling hands. 

“Hey did I wake you?” Yeosang’s natural low voice makes him sigh unintentionally. He takes his school uniform from the hanger, throwing it the bed. “No, I woke up. I’m changing now.” His voice sounds raspy to him uncharacteristically. He strips his pajamas, tucking his phone between his shoulder and ear. “Okay, I will meet you in our regular place.” San nods as if Yeosang can actually see him before affirming. “See you.” He says, throwing his phone at his bed, buttons up his school shirt. He tightens his belt before heading out, making sure that the pant doesn’t fall down. He gets out of the house after he grabs his pocket money that his aunt left at the table.

The sun shines softly in the sky. San hears the birds chirping, a sign of coming spring. There is a little time left until graduating. Still, he doesn’t find in his heart to be happy or buzzing with excitement. 

“Hey!” Yeosang’s smiling face comes into his view. He smiles reflexively. Worrying Yeosang is the last thing he wants to do. The latter always cheers him up, says everything would be alright, encourages him to go to the school. He doesn’t want his best friend to worry about him than already he does.

Both of them walk in silence, comfortable with it. Well until a certain figure calls for Yeosang, wittingly ignores the pink-haired guy’s existence. 

Yeosang notices San’s nervous body language immediately, shoulders tense and eyes focusing on everything but them. The blond one grabs his hand tightly and waits for the other figure to get closer to them. Wooyoung immediately hugs Yeosang, not even sparing a glance at San. After they apart, Wooyoung looks at the pink-haired guy pointedly as if he just realized San was there too. He didn’t say anything, just studying the other boy. He has dark circles around his eyes, puts his weight into his left leg, showing his nervousness. He also doesn’t catch Wooyoung’s eyes. Precisely scaring of the action, Wooyoung observes. 

San can’t bear to stand still under Wooyoung’s inquisitive stare so he pulls from Yeosang’s grip and murmurs a goodbye before fleeing. 

“You know, he really feels bad already. You don’t have to make him feel shittier.” Yeosang scolds his best friend while watching the pink-haired guy’s sunk posture. He wants his two best friends to suck it up and talk with each other but they are too scared to do it. Wooyoung catches his attention when the black-haired boy sniffs. Yeosang swears he saw one or two tears in his eyes too but the other changes the topic too quickly.

“Hey, do you wanna go to the arcade after school? I want to beat your ass in dance machine.” he playfully shoulders Yeosang who only rolls eyes, yet accepting the offer. “You only can beat me in your dream babe” Yeosang mocks him, winking at him before he gets in the classroom, not realizing his flustered best friend’s red cheeks.

Yeosang sits beside San quietly. The other watches outside, the only thing he does other than studying and munching his bread. He doesn’t interact with anyone as he did before. Everyone in the classroom realizes it instantly the first time San came to the classroom, looking like an alive-dead body. They don’t force anything but after noticing that San also doesn’t talk with Wooyoung, they decide it is something serious so they let him alone as much as he wants. 

“San, do you want to come arcade today?” Yeosang asks him quietly although the black-haired boy who sits in front of him hears him and sharply turns around to look at him. They communicate through their eye contact. Yeosang tells him to get his act together while Wooyoung asks him what the hell is he doing. They don’t talk until San declines Yeosang’s offer.

“No...” His voice lacks confidence, his eyes focusing on his notebook now. Yeosang doesn’t say anything. He holds San’s hand, smiling at him sympathetically. “Okay, call me if you change your mind.” San nods at him awkwardly smiles.

San lost his track of time when he is in the school as just now. He jumps when Yeosang nudges him, looking at him amusingly. “Well, I hate to break your daydreaming but we need to go.” He jokes. San looks around him dumbly, only finding Yeosang next to him and Wooyoung at the door, waiting patiently. He doesn’t look at them though. San picks up his things, stands up, walks towards the door with Yeosang in front of him. 

They walk in painful silence until Yeosang flares up. “When will you get your shit together and speak?” His loud voice makes the other boys jump, looking at the blond boy, eyes wide open. Yeosang sighs. “Because it is getting annoying and I love you. I really do but you are testing my patience and I have this close-” his index finger almost touches his thumb. “to beat your asses and lock your pathetic and beaten asses in a room.” He huffs and puffs.

The other boys are in complete silence, not expecting the blond boy to snap. They gulp down, slowly making eye contact with each other. Yeosang’s hopeful stare is opening a hole on both of their head. 

Wooyoung opens his mouth to say something but San panics and beat him to it. “No- I mean- I need to- I need to go.” He turns around, his fight or flight instinct kicks in almost instantly and he chooses flight. He bolts at full speed, without looking back. He doesn’t want to hear more rejection from the other. He has had enough already, hates himself to fall in love with his best friend’s father, hates himself to allow his feelings to get deeper and deeper day by day. He doesn’t want to hear anything. 

That’s why he runs with all his strength. The wind whistles, breeze brushes his face and arms. He feels hot and tired already but he doesn’t stop until he reaches the corner of his home. He slows down, panting unevenly, tries to control his exhalation. 

He shrieks when something touches his shoulder. He whips around to see what was that, only to find the black-haired boy, as breathless as him, staring at him. He opens his mouth but coughs instead of speaking. The pink-haired boy pats his back to ease him. 

Wooyoung catches his breath after one or two minutes. He leans back on the wall, later sliding through the wall, sits on the floor. He looks up to the other boy who squirms, not knowing what to say. He holds his hand and pulls him to sit beside him. San squeals when he sharply lands on his butt with unnecessary force. He glares at the boy who pulled him down. 

“Thank you for flattening my butt which is already flat enough.” He mutters angrily until he realizes that they aren’t on speaking terms. He freezes, hoping that Wooyoung wouldn’t hear him. He doesn’t want their relationships to be worse than already it is. But the next thing Wooyoung said to him catches him off guard.

“I’m sorry.”

San looks at him dumbly, not totally grasping the words. The black-haired boy only looks at his hands which fidget nervously on his lap, he shivers when a particularly stiff breeze whips across. Spring is coming but the weather still is the same in nights, being black frost and all. 

San wants to speak, saying something- anything to his best friend but words dies on his throat before coming out. “I’m sorry for saying such nasty things to you. I… I got really angry. I don’t know why though.” Wooyoung continues, doesn’t seem that he waits for an answer. He shyly looks up to meet San’s still-freeze eyes. 

“But San, you are my best friend. You were always there whenever I needed you. You always knew how to cheer me up or comfort me.” He inhales, waits for a few seconds before exhaling. “And I feel like a dirty douche bag since you were crying that time and the only thing I did was to call you ugly names.” He sniffs and finally, San’s brain catches up what is going on.

He scoots closer to his best friend, carefully wraps his arm around the shaking boy’s shoulder. Then Wooyoung throws himself at him and starts to sob. San stands still before wrapping his arm around the crying boy. He starts to rock both of them calmly, whispers sweet nothings into his best friend’s ear while Wooyoung apologizes unceasingly between his hiccups and deep breaths he takes. 

San wants to laugh at the absurd situation they are in but he also doesn’t want to offend the younger. Instead, he pats the other’s back, waiting for him to calm down and breathe evenly. 

“Ew, your snot is on San’s shirt.” Another voice that belongs to Yeosang interrupts them. He looks disgusted at his remark. San laughs while Wooyoung whines after a hiccup. 

“So are we going to the arcade or you two want to stay here and do some therapy session in this cold weather?” the blond boy grins, seeing Wooyoung’s overall red face. Wooyoung takes a deep breath, then turns to San who looks better since this morning.

“Will you forgive me for being an ass?” His voice trembles a little bit.

San is many things but resentful. He also knows that he kind of deserved the anger he got, not the slurs though. So when he nods his head and his best friend lungs at him, crying again, he knows he won’t ever regret his decision at all.

He missed his dear best friend. He realizes the others’ impact on his life so maybe the fight was necessary to show who and what is important to him. However, he hopes that he would never get into that kind of fight again with any of them ever again. 

They get up after Wooyoung calms down for the second time. The latter wipes his face and looks at the blond boy smugly. 

“Now, I’m fully ready to beat your ass in dance machine.”


	6. Saudade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello new update!! 
> 
> This chapter is,,, well there is a lot of feelings involved in there lol  
> And with this chapter, my plan to make it fifth chapter flies away djsklfd  
> Also there is a little surprise towards the end 👀
> 
> Anyway, sorry in advance if there is any mistakes! Hope y'all like it!! ♡

“What are you two going to do after graduating?” 

San stops when Yeosang, mindlessly, throws the question. They are hanging out in Yeosang’s room. San and Wooyoung are playing Valorant while Yeosang is reading a book, at least he is trying to since the others are louder than necessary as always. He only hopes that when his parents come back from their business travel, they will be sleeping already. 

What will he do? San thinks. He doesn’t think about it until now. He doesn’t know that he has any special talent or something to earn money. He snapped out of it when Wooyoung screams. “No- San- Care- Ah!” Before he knows, the “you lost” appeared on the screen of his computer. Wooyoung instantly blames him, whining about their lost although their rank is really high and both of them are the most well-players out of five players. 

“Yeosang why you asking such a thing when we play?” His blaming turns and directs at Yeosang, who sends him a glare in return. “You know San has the attention span of a goldfish.” San punches him on his arm. 

“I don’t have the attention span of a goldfish,” he grunts, glaring at his best friend. They look at each other for a second before starting to wrestle. Yeosang rolls his eyes, “Children. I’m literally friends with children.” he sighs, waiting for them to finish. He closes his book, putting it on the nightstand. 

After five minutes of wrestling, the three of them lays on the queen size bed of Yeosang’s. Two of them look beaten, panting hard, their computers and the game long forgotten. The blond one focuses on a point on the ceiling, his question runs around in his mind. He knows what he wants to be.

“I want to be a lawyer,” he says quietly. The other two hear him, their breathings sound regular. They turn their head to look at their best friend. The blond one wears a determined expression. He knows, San thinks. His friend knows what he wants from his life or what to do but San has no idea about his future. His eyes leave Yeosang and turn to the ceiling again.

He knows their parents were doctors, good ones if he can believe his aunt. His memory is a little bit blurry when it comes to his parents although he remembers the car accident very vividly. 

“I didn’t know what to do until yesterday.” Wooyoung talks softly, his eyes never leave Yeosang but when the latter turns to look at him, his cheeks turn slightly pink so he averts eye contact. He clears his throat before speaking. “I was helping some underclassmen for English and when they understand me and thank me again and again, I feel… you know…” He frowns, trying to find the right word. Yeosang brushes his hand against him. “Happy?” he adds slowly. Wooyoung nods, there is still a frown on his face.

“Yeah, I guess. Then I realize… um... I want to be a teacher.” He suddenly feels shy, especially when he feels Yeosang’s hand resting against his. He wants to fan his face so much but refrains from doing so, not wanting to embarrass himself more about it.

San sees that only he doesn’t know what will he be. He panics for a minute. His best friends know their dreams. They are ready to make them true but what about San? 

Yeosang must sense his inner conflict so he reaches out his hand over Wooyoung. “San, There is still time.” He breathes, making sure that his friend doesn’t fry his brain from thinking too much. San smiles, holds the hand, and turns to cuddle Wooyoung who returns the action happily. 

Yeosang is right. There is still time. He will come up with something eventually. 

  
Before San knows, there is one week until his graduating and he is sitting in front of his homeroom teacher to discuss his dream job.  
  
Fuck Yeosang. There wasn’t time at all and he, of fucking course, didn’t come up with something so he tries to dodge every question he is asked. 

Eventually, his teacher is tired of it and lean back to study his student and his marks. San isn’t a perfect, all-rounder student but he isn’t actually that bad. The only bad mark on his report is biology and history which the teacher realizes the subjects aren’t actually related to what the young boy wants. But, again, even San doesn’t know what he wants so how can she be sure?

“San.” Her voice sounds restrained. San flinches lightly, waiting for a scolding but that didn’t come. She gets up from her seat, coming closer to San and sits next to him. She holds his hands gently. “I know it is hard to choose your path life and probably you are scared of it.” She looks so much softer than before. San looks at their joined hands. 

“But it is going to be okay eventually. You just need that spark when someone realizes their dream.” Her hands are just as warm as her voice. 

When San gets out of the room, he met two pairs of eyes. He grins and comes near them. 

“What did you talk about?” Wooyoung asks him when San wraps his arm around his shoulder. They walk towards the exit. San isn’t actually sure that if he wanted to talk about his future to his friends but he does it anyway. 

“I don’t know what to do for my future.” He sighs quietly. They stop at a red light. San’s eyes watch cars going from somewhere and to somewhere. It looks meaningless although San knows drivers have a certain route. 

San doesn’t want to live a meaningless life. He wants to do something. He wants to live his life fully. 

They cross over. Some door opens and a family, consisting of parents and two children, appears. They hold coffee cups in their hands. One of the adults takes a sip of their seem-like coffee and smiles sweetly at the coffee. Their partner does the same thing and nods their head. Children are speaking, excitedly, how their hot chocolate tastes and they want to come there again. While they are walking away, San looks at the coffee shop. People inside look peaceful. Some people are chatting with each other while some are working on their computers or on their files. They somehow look content and warm, San observes and then-

He stops dead in his tracks. 

“I want to open my own business.” he blurts out suddenly, peers at his best friends with sudden realization washes over him. 

Wooyoung looks surprised at the sudden confession while Yeosang looks a mix between amused and confused. They make eye contact with each other before hugging the pink-haired boy. Yeosang ruffles his hair, Wooyoung laughs and they continue their way of Yeosang’s house. 

San has one thing in his mind now.

  
The next morning when San came to the school, the first thing he did was to stop by the office that gave him stomachache yesterday but today was different. He told his teacher about his decision, watched his teacher’s reaction went from surprised to a satisfied one. 

“I want to open someplace where everyone feels at ease and I want to make this place to their safe place,” he said with confidence oozing from his voice. His teacher only nodded but smiled brightly at her student, proud of his statement. 

Now, he is sitting with his friends, they are on lunch break, watch other classes playing volleyball. Yeosang finishes his juice and gets up to find a bin.

“Hey,” Wooyoung whispers oddly and San eyes him suspiciously. Wooyoung looks nervous which isn’t his trait at all. San gets nervous from seeing him like this. Yeosang returns, realizes the tension in the air, and hits Wooyoung’s arm. “I told you no to ask that.” he scolds the black-haired boy like a little child. 

“I didn’t even say anything other than hey.” Wooyoung whines, rubs his arm, pouting because of the scolding. He wants to glare at the other but the blond one basically ignores him, sitting beside San. “What?” San talks and the other two flinch as if they just realized that San is there with them.

“Uh…” Yeosang gives the black-haired boy a look. Wooyoung avoids him and clears his throat. “What do you think about my dad?” he doesn’t beat around the bush since he doesn’t know how to do that. However, the dangerous glare he is getting from Yeosang makes him wish that he learned it.

San freezes at the mention of Seonghwa. He doesn’t want to think of him but he does. When he is with his friends, they help him to forget about him even it is just for a few hours. Nonetheless, nights that not spending with his friends is always hard because the only thought ever crosses in his mind is Seonghwa.

He thinks of the other’s shining eyes, gentle smiles, warm touches in an unhealthy basis. He can’t stop himself. Seonghwa is always there, in his thoughts, whenever he is alone.

He realizes earlier that his feelings aren’t something ‘father figure’ as Seonghwa described. He knows for a fact that Seonghwa won’t accept him ever so he just… just decides to go with the flow. Life is full of surprises, right? He desperately hopes that one of these surprises, at least, consists of him and Seonghwa together.

“What do you mean?” San tries to smile but the agony still is there whenever he remembers the last words of Seonghwa.

“Uh… Are you… still in love with my… oh god, it sounds weird.” Wooyoung laughs awkwardly, scratching his neck. He looks at Yeosang for help. The latter sighs and comes to his rescue. “San, do you still have feelings for him?” Yeosang is blunt as always but his voice definitely refrains from any hardness or nervousness. It is soft and almost sympathetic. 

San chuckles at that. “Is that still a problem?” His voice is playful, showing that he wants to fix that tension in the air. Wooyoung relaxes right away, laughs, and bumps his shoulder. “Not at all. I’m used to the fact that you are going to be my new daddy.” San grimaces at the remark with Yeosang making a disgusting sound while Wooyoung laughs so high that some of the players take a look at them. 

“Jokes aside, I’m still a little bit weirded out by it but you are important to me. I don’t want to lose you again.” He clings to San’s arm, wants to be sure that San doesn’t get up and leave them here. San smiles at his antics. 

“Yeah, I still have feelings for him but he already rejected me so that doesn’t really matter.” The pain in his heart says otherwise. He can’t believe after one and a half month he still feels the pain. He wonders when he gets rid of that pain or when it becomes a dull pain to only remind him of the past. 

Yeosang and Wooyoung don’t say anything against his statement. 

“Seonghwa! This is the fifth mistake you have done in this month.” Hongjoong furiously slams the wrong files on the CEO’s desk. He wants to yell at him more, being irresponsible about his work and not checking the files. However, one glance over the gloomy look on Seonghwa is enough for him to hold himself. 

He sighs.

“Look, I know what you are feeling but you are an adult. Get your shit together. You need to work.” He pleads. Watching his very best friend becoming more devastated day by day isn’t something he is used to. Even that-must-not-be-named woman left Seonghwa and Wooyoung for some other man, Seonghwa was strong enough to raise ten-year-old Wooyoung on his own and work at the same time. 

But now, it is different. Even Hongjoong doesn’t know what to do, let alone Wooyoung who helplessly asks Hongjoong for help because apparently, his clean-freak dad didn’t clean the house for three days in a row. 

Another sigh leaves him. He goes forward to Seonghwa and holds his shoulder, shaking him a little bit. “Do you even remember your son?” Hongjoong plays his emergency card which is Wooyoung. 

“He needs you. He needs a father who needs to earn money in order to pay his university fee.” Seonghwa, _finally_ , looks at him for the first time since he stepped in. He shakes himself, releasing himself from Hongjoong. 

“You are right. I’m sorry.” He says but Hongjoong heard the little tremble in his voice. He doesn’t force him to tell but he decides that they need a drink or two even. He nods his head before leaving even though Seonghwa drowns himself into the work.

  
“And I really liked his pink hair you know…” Seonghwa slurs and Hongjoong regrets his decision to invite the other man for a drink. He wants to bang his head on the table. Seonghwa is on the third drink, being lightheaded. He hears a chuckle and turns to find his very handsome boyfriend looking amused by Seonghwa’s drunk phrase. 

“Okay, so you liked his pink hair huh? What else?” Hongjoong wants to scream at his boyfriend. They have listened to Seonghwa’s love story for the third time, already. He isn’t confident that he won’t kill the whining man if he hears the story one more. 

“Yunho.” He hissed, not caring if Seonghwa hears him or not. Well, he is busy talking about something dimples or braids. Yunho, his boyfriend, turns his attention to him. “Do you want me to be a killer?” he hissed one more and Yunho genuinely laughs at it. His arm comes behind him, resting Hongjoong’s waist. "This is the first time I have ever seen Seonghwa this whipped. Sorry baby." He doesn't look guilty at all.

When Hongjoong mutters under his breath and pouts in the process, Yunho leans and pecks Hongjoong softly. The shorter man’s anxiety flies away without delay. He leans into the touch, basking in the warm feelings also in the warmth his boyfriend radiates. When they separate, Hongjoong feels out of his breath. The taller man rests his forehead on the other's forehead. 

“You guys are cute.” Seonghwa slurs again. His best friend swears that the drunk man vows to ruin their moment. They move away from each other and notice that Seonghwa is on the verge of tears. He sighs, wiping his tears away. “I’m pathetic.” He murmurs, gulping his half drink in one go. Hongjoong doesn’t stop him although he knows the other probably will grunt about it tomorrow. Yet tonight, he can drink all his sorrow away as much as he wants. 

“You aren’t pathetic,” Yunho speaks with a serious tone. He pulls his arm which was behind Hongjoong. “Look Hwa, I know that lad is way younger than you and things are hard but don’t pity yourself. You are a great man with a great job and a great family.” Hongjoong hears the soft undertone when he mentions Wooyoung. The fact that Yunho and Hongjoong are fond of Wooyoung isn’t something new. "Dude,” Yunho calls him. Seonghwa listens to him but lost in his own drunk thoughts. “Everything is going to be alright sooner or later.” Seonghwa nods and gets up, murmurs about his need for some fresh air, leaving the couple alone for a few minutes.

When he gets out of the door, he looks up. The sky looks nice, painting with midnight blue and some stars shine a lot. Seonghwa sighs, takes a step, then another, then another. He starts to pace in front of the bar. He kicks some pebbles, watches friend groups to exit the bar, envies the madly-in-love-looking couples. 

He looks up again. He wonders that if San thinks of him too as he does. A shooting star winks at him. He closes his eyes, wishes San to think of him, desperately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao if there is no seongjoong, then ofc there will be hohong!! 🤓  
> Recently, I'm so whipped for Yunho so I couldn't help myself sorry fjdklfsjd
> 
> Also not @ me making wooyoung's major same as me lol but I know for a fact that he would be a great teacher uwu 🥺🥺 and Yeosang will slap people with his words djskljsfk
> 
> Let me know what you think about this chapter in the comments! Love you, take care!! ♡


	7. the graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is wholly dedicated to @raindropps, @BulleoBulleo, @Mintyaegyo because your comments always make my day!! Thank you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HENLOOO!! NEW CHAPTER!! LMAOO  
> I'M DRUNK AS HELL PROBABLY WILL REGRET WHEN I WOKE UP BUT WHO CARES? NOT ME LOL  
> IT IS QUITE A MESS I THINK BUT I ALSO DON'T KNOW???  
> Edit: Thank you for 124 kudos!! I really appreciate your comments and kudos a lot. It means so much to me:') Thank you for supporting me!!  
> Since my five chapter plan failed successfully lmao I think we have two or three more chapter to go!! I mean, I guess?? lol sjklsjf

San struggles with his tie, cursing the time when he declined Yeosang’s offering of teaching him how to tie. He grunts while looking at his frustrated reflection on the mirror. He hates wearing a suit before that and now he hates it more. He was about to give up and just button his shirt up until his throat when his aunt steps in. Their reflections’ eyes meet on the mirror.

Wordlessly, she comes closer, turns San to her. She takes his tie, raises his lounge jacket’s collar. He looks at him weirdly. He doesn’t expect her to come and knot his tie. Well, at least now he is saved from Yeosang’s complaints. “Thank you.” he murmurs quietly, fixing his collar and turns to look at his reflection one more time to make sure everything is in the place and look great.

“Your parents would be proud of you if they were here.” San freezes. His aunt doesn’t speak about his parents. That’s why San stops to ask her about them after a lot of trying. But now… Now is different and he can sense it. He slowly turns and meets his aunt’s sentimental gaze. She looks more like his sister- my mom, San notices. He only knows his mother from the pictures but now, their gaze looks so similar-almost the same- San chokes slightly, not ready to be an emotional mess right now. 

“Um…” Words die on his tongue. The woman before him chuckles, tucking a lock of her off white hair behind her ear. She is beautiful although she is a little past forty-years-old. Her skin is milky if you can overlook some wrinkles here and there. Her eyes are a warm color of brown and her eyebrows always are on the line. 

“San… Perhaps you are upset with me, not taking care of you well or anything…” His aunt’s mild voice reaches his ears and he snaps out, focusing on the words. “But you should know that when you lost your mother, I lost my dearest sister as well.” Her voice trembles and San feels like a slap lands on his cheek even though the woman’s voice has no bites. 

The realization washes over him and San only stares at the tears on his aunt’s cheeks. She takes a deep breath before staring at his nephew’s dumbfounded expression. “But I also want you to know that I love you even though I couldn’t show it properly. You are my precious nephew after all and-” Before she finishes, San pulls her into a hug. 

“Thank you.” Even though the woman hears the hoarseness, she doesn’t say anything. She returns the hug and pats his back, offering him some kind of comfort that San is thankful for. 

When they draw apart, San’s eyes are a little bit red but other than that, he looks great in his suit. “Will you come to the ceremony? I want you to be there… You know… as my family.”

Her aunt smiles, now really look alike his sister and nods. San nods either and grabs his bag. “Go and don’t worry. I will be there.” San smiles and takes a step towards his room’s door. He is happy. Today will be great.

  
Expect one thing. San totally forgot about his heartbreaker also knowns as his best friend’s father and the man looks so good in his full black suit, jet black hair slicking back, showing his forehead, posing like some model even though San knows that he doesn’t even try it. God, You really take your time creating him, don’t you?, San drools while watching from afar. 

How can he forget that? Of course, he would be here. His son is graduating. “Oh, San-” Yeosang’s mom exclaims really high. San’s eyes suddenly meet the eyes that still make his heart skip a beat. He spins around and instantly receives a hug from Mrs. Kang. The woman loves to dote on Yeosang’s friends as much as she does on Yeosang. San is grateful for it whenever he needs some love, she doesn’t hesitate to show it to him or any of them. 

“You look so handsome!” She takes a step backward and eyeing him carefully with a big smile on her soft face. Yeosang and his father are next to her and both of them look embarrassed although they don’t make an effort to stop her, knowing there is no avail to stop her. 

Her eyes focus something behind San and before he wonders, she calls out happily. “Oh, Mr. Park! It has been a long time.” San gulps down, not wanting to round and meet him. 

“Hello, Mrs. Kang.” The voice comes really closer and San whirls around too quick that he stumbles on, his feets tangles with each other, but rather than the floor, his face crashes softer surface. He feels hands on his arms, softly holding him in place. San knows the touch very well. Mayhaps that’s the reason, he suddenly retreats from him. 

“Thank you.” He murmurs, avoids eye contact. Although the tension is high, the Kang family doesn’t notice it expect their son who looks nervous but amused by the behavior of his friend. “Where is Wooyoung?” Mrs. Kang asks sweetly, saving San from the unnecessary conversation. Some screeches hear from the other side of the field. San laughs with Yeosang. 

“Hello!” Wooyoung greets the family and literally throws himself at Mrs. Kang’s open arms. He giggles when Mrs. Kang scolds him fondly about his behavior. “Okay, mom,” Wooyoung whines when the woman doesn’t look like to stop her scolding any minute. 

He takes San’s and Yeosang’s hands. “We need to get-” He stops in mid-sentence, looking behind the Kang family. His friends follow his eyes and meet with San’s aunt, looking kind of shy but also happy.

“Oh.” San retreats from Wooyoung, going to his aunt’s side. “Let me introduce you to my friends’ family.” His aunt looks a little bit nervous but everything goes well when Mrs. Kang intervenes and talks about how it is nice to finally meet the one who raised San into a nice boy. 

“Oh no… Actually, San raised himself by on his own.” She talks softly and Wooyoung looks at her in awe, reconsidering his sexuality. Mrs. Kang smiles and San’s aunt turns to Seonghwa questioningly, one of her eyebrows lifting. San tenses. 

“This is… Mr. Park. Wooyoung’s father.” Oh god, the words leave a bitter taste on his tongue and the look on Seonghwa is… unreadable. Although he smiles and shakes hands with San’s aunt. 

San’s aunt looks between them and also notes Wooyoung’s reaction, nervous and fidgeting a lot. 

“We should go now.” The announcement for the students comes after Yeosang’s voice. They wave hands and go to the assembly area. The students form a line with the help of the teachers’ instructions. San feels nervous. If their classroom weren’t the first class, he couldn’t imagine how could he handle all his nervousness.

San hears the principal’s speech about the graduands that are san and other students. Wooyoung holds his hand, squeezing a little bit before turning to Yeosang. “I can’t believe you are the one who will do graduation speech. Uh, nerd.” He playfully rolls his eyes and Yeosang smirks. “Oh, I dare you to call me a nerd after hearing the speech.” 

Wooyoung and San look at him, being puzzled. Yeosang shrugs and before they ask about it, the principal calls him to give his valedictory. Yeosang, confidence dripping from his figure, walks towards the little stage. Everyone looks a little bit lost since he doesn’t have any letters in his hand. For a fact that San knows Yeosang is good at giving speeches and his memory is crazy such as memorizing everything he read after second reading. 

“Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen and captains who rock their genders.” Everyone laughs a little bit and Wooyoung sees that a few non-binary students whistle to him. “Well, Firstly I want to thank myself for giving me an opportunity to speak here by acing all the exams.” San snorts and Wooyoung wants to slap him. 

Yeosang smiles. “Okay, now serious speech. This is the final. We are adults from the moment we receive our diplomas. Some of us don’t know their dreams. Some of us are so sure of it. Some of us are hesitant about it but we know one thing for sure. We survived this hell. We can survive from whatever life throws at us too.” Some teachers look at him unapprovingly when he refers to school as hell. 

“I don’t want to give you a long speech to bore you. I will thank our teachers and our families on behalf of my friends.” Yeosang turns to teachers who gather next to stage mostly after smiling at his own family. “Thank you for teaching us, for correcting us when needed to, for preparing us to life. Most importantly thank you for showing us how we are different from each other but no one is less from another.” 

A female teacher who San doesn’t know sniffs and nods as if she thanked Yeosang too. Mrs. Kang also looks emotional, a napkin on her hand sniffs from time to time, her chest swells with pride seeing his son at the lectern. 

“Oh before finishing it. I have a confession.” Everyone looks at him, interesting in what he is about to. 

When Yeosang’s eyes meet Wooyoung’s even in this ridiculous crowd, San holds his breath. Here it comes, he waits excitedly, side-eyeing Wooyoung. 

“Jung Wooyoung. My annoying but at the same time lovely friend.” Wooyoung feels like he is about to puke. He doesn’t want his hopes up but…

Yeosang squeezes the sides of the lectern. His heart beats nervously. Now or never, he decides.

“You annoy me too much sometimes- no you annoy me always. You laugh like a hyena, you scream a lot, you talk a lot and honestly, I can’t decide which one of those annoy me the most.” Wooyoung really wants to slap him for calling him out like this. “But before than that, you are the kindest person that one has in their life. You know how to cheer someone up. You are there whenever I need you. You..” Yeosang’s gaze is so intense that Wooyoung holds his breath unintentionally. 

“You are the most beautiful human I have ever seen.” Yeosang laughs wetly, shaking his head. “Fuck it, you are the most beautiful human in the world and I’m so lucky to have you as my best friend but…” He takes an uneven breath, his voice trembles a little bit. “But don’t you think that we will be more awesome being boyfriends than best friends?”

And here it is. Wooyoung wants to laugh and kiss him but also slaps him so hard that he can’t decide. 

“What do you think? Will you be my boyfriend and annoy the fuck out of me more?” There is a silence following his sentence. Wooyoung’s ears buzz, his eyes on Yeosang’s and-

“Oh come and kiss him! He is malfunctioning!” San screams excitedly and that’s the cue for Yeosang to go down and walk fast towards Wooyoung who panics immediately but everything stops when Yeosang’s lips made contact with his very own. The kiss is everything he asked for, yet nothing feels better than that. He nips the blond boy’s lips and chuckles when the other yelps. 

The students let themselves go and cheers them loudly. Some whistle and some clap so hard that the whole ceremony echoes. They separate a little, Yeosang leans and pecks him softly, breathing unevenly but feels so so high just by a kiss from his new boyfriend. 

The principal had a hard time stopping the students but he manages it somehow, then he sends an accusing glare to Yeosang who pretends to be oblivious. 

“I can’t fucking believe you,” Wooyoung tells him, their hand intervening. Yeosang laughs but says nothing. “Oh, I also remember the first part so don’t think that I will forgive you easily because you just confessed to me in front of everyone, in our graduation ceremony.” Although Wooyoung talks angrily, he doesn’t look like he is mad or anything. 

San pats the blond boy’s back. “Wow, I can’t believe all these pining worth it in the end.” He purposely ignores Wooyoung’s death glare. 

“What can I say? Go big or go home.” Yeosang jokes and kisses Wooyoung’s hand. The said boy blushes like a child who has received praise from his crush. 

San grins at them and turns his attention to the students who just received their diplomas. His attention diverted and his eyes lock with a certain person’s. He holds the other’s gaze, not turning away. They exchange a lot of things but never San had thought that he could see faint regrets crumbs in those black holes. He hurriedly turns his friends who are lovey-dovey too much for his likings. 

He gets up when he hears his name. Wooyoung gets up after him. Their school number are close to each other and they walked through the aisleway. San feels the eyes still on him but he is stubborn enough to avoid the stare. He smiles at the teacher who extends his diploma. 

San blinks and suddenly finds himself between his friends and their families and his aunt. He blinks repeatedly and shakes his head. He was lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize when did the ceremony end. Yeosang’s mom scolds the blond boy for using such a formal gathering to confess his love. Then she turns to Wooyoung and one shared look, she hugs him and gushing how she is excited to have another son with Yeosang's father looking at them fondly. Yeosang has a little don’t-try-t-hurt-my-son-or-else threats from Wooyoung’s father but after that, he slaps on Yeosang’s back and congratulates him for being a top student and of course, for graduating.

He takes photos with the Kang family since they are in a hurry to welcome some relatives who come for Yeosang’s celebration from the airport. Yeosang kisses his boyfriend one more time before going with his parents. His aunt comes closer to him and kisses him on the cheek, smiling. 

“San! Photos!” Wooyoung yells at him and San laughs. He spins around, taking the machine from his best friend’s hand. He lifts the machine and presses the shutter a few times, trying new angles. 

“Do you want me to take a photo of you and the Park family?” His aunt calls and he panics for a moment. He doesn’t want to be rude and says no but also he doesn’t think that his heart can bear it.

“That would be great!” Wooyoung exclaims and he looks at his best friend dumbly, yet the only reaction he got from the other is- Did he just shrug?, San hates his best friend for knowing him and his heart too well.

He finds himself beside Seonghwa and he wants to object it. However, his best friend shuts him up, saying it will look bad if they stand next to each other. That’s why Seonghwa is in the middle, awkwardly scratching his neck, also not knowing how to handle the situation although he is an adult. 

The woman watches them curiously. Wooyoung hisses at his best friend. “Stop acting like a perverted weirdo and get your ass over here.” It also brings Seonghwa to the world. He clears his throat and looks at San, extends a hand to him which the pink-haired boy looks at bewildered. 

“C’mon.” San wants to melt from how his heartbreaker’s voice sounds so soft. He sighs, giving in and gets close to him. Their shoulders touch and San feels like any minute his knees will give out. He inhales and holds before exhaling. 

His whole body tensed when Seonghwa’s hand lands on his waist. He feels the big hand, nearly covering his waist. He shudders and jumps when a flash explodes on his face. He blinks and curses afterward. 

“Uh… Wait- I wasn’t ready.” Seonghwa’s voice sounds restrained and San relaxed that he has another chance. He tries to forget about the hand on small of his back and the fact that it nearly covers all his waist. He composes himself and smiles at the machine.

“Oh, they came out great!” His aunt talks after looking at the photos she took. Wooyoung excitedly goes to her and they start to share their opinions on the photos while the other two stand next to each other awkwardly.

Get your shit together, Hongjoong’s voice echoes in his mind and he mentally curses his best friend to say it so much that he can hear it even in his thoughts.

“Congrats,” Seonghwa speaks softly, weirdly doesn’t want the others to hear him. San turns his body to him and studies him a few seconds. Then San beams at him, thanking him in that sweet voice of his. Seonghwa could only stand there and stares at the wide smile although the only thing he wants to is to kiss that smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE Y'ALL SO MUCH!! YOU LITERALLY GIVE ME SO MUCH ENERGY AND MOTIVATION TO WRITE IT AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THAT HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME AND THANK YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!
> 
> P.S: I sobered up and fix the notes and the errors. Thank you for your nice words!!


	8. nothing more than a dull ache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo! New chapter!!  
> (A) surprise guest(s) we have lol  
> This chapter is about two years later when they graduated!!
> 
> Okay, so basically we are nearing the end although I don't have any idea for how to do it lmao sdklsjk but I will!! I guess??????????  
> Also I fixed the tags and removes the smut tag for now but that doesn't mean that there won't be smut *grins* I will update it when the time comes!!
> 
> This chapter wasn't even in my mind but things got escalated djskjsfl I wanted to show San's internal pain more I think because my baby deserves everything but no pain no gain sorry bub:(  
> Take care babies! Luv you!!
> 
> A very important P.S. for someone important: Nab if you are reading this, know that you are my biggest inspiration!! I luv yu!!

“Wake up, sleepy-head!” A voice like a foghorn reaches to him and the pink-haired boy grunts, turning his head to avoid the voice. Unfortunately for him, it doesn’t work. He finds himself on the floor the next seconds. He cries out and rubs his head, trying to get up but the blanket around his legs makes it difficult. He is totally sure that he looks like a fawn who is just trying his best to stand on its feet. He lifts his head to see his very best friend standing there, smirking down at him, probably proud of himself to wake the other up. 

“Well, good morning to you who doesn’t live here. How the fuck did you get in?” The pink-haired boy tries to clear his throat but it only makes it worse. He coughs a few times before a hand passes a glass of water to him. He grabs it, chunking the whole glass in one go, and thanked the other. 

“Mingi did let me in.” He grins, brushing his black hair to the back. San makes a mental note for his roommate to not let his friends in anymore. “I just knew that you wouldn’t get up since last night you were wasted.” 

He gets up, last night’s memories slowly come in his mind and he groans. “Oh my god.” He curses slightly and makes his way to the bathroom to take a shower. He hears his best friend’s laughing after stepping in the shower. The warm water helps him to feel better. It makes his headache soothe. He grabs his shampoo while thinking of last night. He remembers they went to a bar because a new term was about to begin, which is today, San reminds himself, and the three best friends wanted to celebrate their second year of college. 

He rinses his hair, watching pinkish water to go away. Fuck, he doesn’t remember anything after his fifth tequila shot. Everything becomes blurry after that. He gets out of the shower, wrapping a towel on his waist. When he goes to the kitchen, he finds his other friend there too. He lifts one of his eyebrows questioningly but Yeosang only shrugs and continues to do whatever he is doing. 

San grabs a bottle of water as Wooyoung comes in and snuggles against the blond boy’s side. “Hm... It smells amazing.” He whispers and San watches them sharing smiles and loving gazes. He is happy for his friends, finally dating since their graduation which was two years ago. They look comfortable and look great with each other, probably because of the chemistry between them. 

However, San aches for the same thing. He wants to love and be loved by someone, anyone yet he also doesn’t want anyone. His heart aches for one person whom he can’t and won’t get ever in his life. 

He sighs and coughs exaggeratedly. The couple turns to him and the blond one throws a towel at him in response. “Go and wear something. I don’t want Wooyoung to pester me about getting six-packs again.” Wooyoung whines like a child and clings onto Yeosang’s arm. “I love you the way you are but San looks so hot with them, I bet you will look hotter than him.” He argues heatedly. Yeosang rolls his eyes and San laughs and steps towards his room.

He is still hearing the other’s bickering when he reached his room. He takes a big sip from the bottle. He opens his closet, looking for his favorite boyfriend jean and some crop top to match with them. He changes quickly, checking himself in the mirror. Then he grabs his phone, going to the kitchen. 

He sees his friends making out, Wooyoung on the kitchen island and Yeosang between his thighs. “Stop fucking in my apartment!” San nags them, rolls his eyes, and grabs one of the omelet sandwiches. “God. You have your own apartment and you still came here to make out in my kitchen. Disgusting.” He makes a fake gagging sound and smirks when Wooyoung blushes.

They eventually sit down and quietly eat their sandwiches that Yeosang prepared. San is the first one who breaks the silence. “Okay so… Did I do something… bad? I mean last night?” He watches the other two silently, waiting for a negative response. He gets it when both of them are tensed the second they understand the pink-haired boy. 

“Uh… Well…” Yeosang begins but his eyes don’t even meet with San’s. “You and some stranger made out on the dance floor.” Wooyoung blurted out. San startles. He blinks, trying to understand what is wrong with that since whenever he gets out, he always has one-night stands or he at least makes out with someone. 

“Okay… I feel like there is an ‘and’ so??” he laughs nervously, suddenly doesn’t want to know it. 

“Um… The person looked alike…” Wooyoung lost all of his confidence suddenly, his hand finds Yeosang’s to brace up. “The person looks just like an exact copy of my father so when you realized that… You kinda cry on them…” The voice gets quieter towards the end. The couple looks at him, waiting for any discomfort or any sign that San might break down but instead, the other just hums and finishes his sandwich.

“Okay.” He gets up and puts the plate on the sink. When he spins around, the lovers look at him as if he said he is an alien. He chortles at their expression. “Yeosang can you braid my hair? I think it will suit my outfit.” The blond boy only nods, his speaking ability malfunctioning.

San waits in the living room for them to finish their breakfast. It is still 8a.m, he checks his phone. He still has time before leaving for his morning class. Apparently, his best friends have time too since they are here, having their breakfast awfully slow. 

Or they are discussing my behavior, San ponders. He really should behave himself when drinking in front of them. He knows they worry about him. Hell, even San worries about himself but nothing can do. He sighs while resting his head against the couch, closing eyes. 

He hasn’t seen his heartbreaker since graduation. It has been two years. Wooyoung immediately moves in with Yeosang when they got accepted into the only university they applied. With that, San has no reason or excuse to see him. He sometimes has heard of him from Wooyoung such as Seonghwa celebrating them to get into their respective universities. 

San reaches for his phone and lifts it to see its screen. He presses the home button and looks at his home screen wallpaper which is his graduation photo with the man where he smiles at the man like an idiot. 

The next day after graduation, Wooyoung sent the photos to him in the late afternoon. He was shocked that two of the photos didn’t have Wooyoung in it. One of them clearly showed that Wooyoung used his photoshop skills to crop himself out, only leaving the others. The other photo is… Well, the other also doesn’t have Wooyoung but the two people which are San and Seonghwa didn’t look like they knew that they were getting captured by the camera. They were awfully close and San was smiling at Seonghwa who had a dazing stare on his face. 

He cried when he saw the photos. He cried when his aunt asked him about it. He cried when his aunt hugged him. He cried when he thought about all the endless possibilities of them being together. He cried when he texted Wooyoung a thank you. But now… He doesn’t cry. His heart still aches but the pain dulled in time.

He jerks slightly when he feels the fingers on his hair. He quickly shoves his phone to his pocket. No one says anything about it even though the other two see the photo. Yeosang quickly does three braids on his hair and slaps his shoulder when he finished.

“Let’s go.” San gets up, following his friends to the entrance. He grabs his bag, getting out of the apartment with his friends. 

“Oh god, first class is Professor Jeong’s.” San groans. It isn’t that San doesn’t love his classes but the assistant professor is such a radiant person even in the mornings and San isn’t a morning person. Not at all. He hates all his morning classes with all his being.

“Well, at least you don’t need to do a whole presentation about how children grow up in very first thing in the morning.” Wooyoung arches one of his eyebrows, challenging the other boy wordlessly. San spares one look at him and he sighs. He is kind of glad that he didn’t follow Wooyoung. He likes children but Wooyoung always talks about education as if it is something dangerous and boring although San is pretty sure that his friend dramatizes it. 

“See you tomorrow then.” San waves at them. He turns left and walks away from his friends. 

He is happy that even after graduating from high school, they still have time for each other. He appreciates the others, making time for him although they are busy with their schedules as well. Wooyoung wanted him to move in with them. That way, it would benefit them but San didn’t think that he can bear Wooyoung’s dirty talk and Yeosang’s moans. He kindly declined and found someone who is searching for a roommate. 

Mingi is a cool person. He is chill and he really doesn’t mind whenever San brings someone home. He gets along with San’s friends which is a great bonus. He likes drinking, he likes games although he only wants to watch. And San is delighted that he has a roommate who is similar to him. 

A few minutes after his arrival in his classroom, Mr. Jeong comes in. Smiling from ear to ear, he greets the class although the only response he got is some grunts and murmurs of the students. Mr. Jeong laughs at them, putting his bag on the desk and turns to write his name on the board and a “Business Communication” under it.

“If there are people who didn’t take any of my classesin previous years, my name is Jeong Yunho and I’m the assistant professor who will teach you how to communicate with your clients or partners.” He speaks softly, his smile doesn’t leave his face. His eyes wander on each student’s face. He locks his gaze with San, his smile gets bigger vaguely recognizing him. 

“I want my students to learn well.” He continues, takes a glance at his books on the desk. “If you have any questions, I don’t care how stupid they are, just ask. Don’t hesitate. And someone mocks you about it, don’t worry without saying anything, they will find themself out of the class.” His smile is still on his face when he said that. San hears some students gulped audibly. 

It doesn’t matter how much a sweetheart Mr. Jeong is, if he gets mad, he becomes the scariest out of all professors.

“I can tolerate stupid questions but I can not and will not tolerate people who act rude and assholes.” The professor’s tone gets serious and suddenly all of the students seem very awake. “You are all adult so act like one.” He lastly looks at them, checking them for understanding him or not. When he is satisfied, he beams at them. Someone behind San gasps, whispering how he would get a lot whiplash in this class, and honestly, San can’t agree more. 

“Okay, now. You have any questions?” San looks at the class. A hand stands up from the front seats. San only sees the boy’s mullet black hair. 

“Do you have someone in your life?” the boy’s voice sounds flirtatious, even though San can’t see his face, he can see the other’s body, oozing self-confidence. He wants to laugh because-

“Yes, I have a fiancé actually.” The answer came quickly and San sees the amusing expression on his professor. If Mr. Jeong saw the boy’s demeanor, he didn’t comment on it. The professor coughs which sounds a little fake to San’s ears. Another student raises his hand. The professor looks at them. 

“Are they cute?” with that question, the professor spluttered, his cheeks’ colors get a little bit pink. He is quiet for the next few seconds, then he laughs endearingly while looking at his desk absentmindedly. San watches him because, by all means, Mr. Jeong is the epitome of attractiveness. Especially when he talks about his fiancé. San sees it in his eyes that his professor is very much whipped for his partner.

“Well… He is a midget, a furry one.” He winks at the student who asked the question. “But is he cute? Hm… truthfully he is pretty rather than cute.” He finishes his sentence and San can’t help but be envious of that person. He has a loyal partner, San thinks. 

His mind wandered around a dangerous person without any intent to. Is he loyal and thinks highly of his partners too?, San wonders while watching Mrs. Jeong answering a question about how they met with stars in his eyes and a smile bigger than ever. 

How would Seonghwa react if someone asked about his partners? Would he answer with a blush like Mr. Jeong or would his eyes soften at the mention of his partner like Wooyoung whenever he is asked? 

San’s heart aches more.


	9. Yuanfen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henloooo!!! New chapter alert!!  
> //DISCLAIMER//  
> BE AWARE THAT THERE IS A LITTLE BIT GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT BETWEEN SIDE SHIP!! 
> 
> It has been a long time (nearly a week) but I have things going on unfortunately such as my depression /sighs/  
> I have written angst Yunsan because I thought it would help me to cope with my depression. Did it work? I don't know honestly but I, at least, did something other than laying in my bed and watching the ceiling .-. whatever lol  
> Anyways,,,,, I'm so excited for this chapter! AND YOU WILL SEE WHY!! At the end, there is a hell of cliffhanger and I'm not even sorry for that lmao jdaskldhşfkshld  
> Next update might come a little bit late but I will try to update as soon as I finish it!! :')
> 
> I hope y'all like it!!  
> Luv you lots! Take care babies!!

“I’m home!” San calls, taking off his shoes. He walks towards the living room. his roommate seems to play some games, only waves him, pointing his headset. San nods and tosses his bag somewhere. His stomach rumbles, signaling hunger. He goes to the kitchen to prepare himself instant noodles. He heard the screaming when he was pouring the hot water into the cup. He laughs, probably his roommate is angry at something in the game. He closes the cup with a plate and walks back to the living room.

“What are you playing?” He asks when he sits next to the taller boy. He glances at his phone for his noodle. 

“Well, I will play LOL if Wooyoung can get his shit together and be my support!” He complains loud enough to make him hear from the other side. San hears Wooyoung’s yelling even from the headset. Mingi takes off the headset and suddenly Wooyoung’s loud voice rings in the whole home. 

San grimaces and opens his noodle while Wooyoung whines about Mingi’s words. San laughs but doesn’t say anything until Wooyoung addresses him. “How the fuck did you find yourself a rude roommate such as Mingi?” 

“What?! You are the one who can’t play!” They bicker while San eats his noodle, somewhat feeling content in this chaos. Until Mingi speaks, San watches him playing. 

“Hey, that boy came. You know the one who came with you two days ago? He wanted to talk to you and I said you weren’t home but he insisted a lot.” The taller boy’s focus doesn’t waver from the game. San thinks about the boy. He is probably one of his hook-ups but San is certain that he said it would be a one-night stand to the boy. He furrows annoyingly. He hates persistent people.

“Yeah, well if he came again, tell me something like I got a boyfriend or something.” Mingi shoots him a glance until Wooyoung warns him about some enemy attacks. “Sure.” He doesn’t pry more. 

San gets up to clean his mess. He has a feeling that the boy wouldn’t let himself alone but he can deal with it. 

“I will do my assignments.” San lets Mingi know since the latter always has a habit that he barges in without knocking the door.

“Hey, Sannie.” San hears his favorite professor’s voice and turns to face Mr. Jeong. They are in the coffee shop near the university. San wants to take a break from all of his suffocating works. Mr. Jeong comes near him, a smile blooming already on his face. The pink-haired boy bows slightly and smiles in return. His professor sits before him and eyes him questioningly while the other puts his book on the desk. 

“So, where will you do your internship?” San is taken aback by the question. “The internship you say? What?”

Yunho looks like he is disappointed but doesn’t voice his thoughts out. He looks at San expectantly, protecting his silence until he sees the realization of his student’s eyes. 

“Fuck!- No! I’m sorry.” The student curses. How could he forget that? And here he is, reading a book because he thought he could relax for a while. He should have looked at someplace that would be suitable for his internship instead. Plus, he can’t believe he makes himself a careless student in front of one of his professors. 

“Do you have something in your mind that makes you forgot it?” Yunho questions him curiously, his head slightly tilting to the side. He looks like a puppy, San thinks. He shakes his hand instantly as if trying to erase the thought. Admittedly, San had things in his mind but none of these thoughts is important than his internship. He wants to bang his head on the desk. 

“Do you need any help?” The professor comes to his rescue and San almost sees his capes behind him swinging. “I can speak with my fiancé and see what he could do?” This intrigues San, not just Yunho but it seems his soon-to-be husband is in the business as well. He expected something…. calmer job from the other’s partner. 

He nods his head, beaming at the offering. “It would be great actually.”

“C’mon Joong, he is a great kid and works hard. At least take him for two weeks?” Yunho insists, following his fiancé around their bedroom like a lost puppy. The other man ignores him, trying to find a towel to dry his hair. He just comes home but instead of being welcomed with kisses, he is met with his soon-to-be husband’s insisting on an internship of some child.

Hongjoong knows the child because Yunho always talks about his students, especially the hard-working ones. He loves to listen to his partner to rant about his students as if they are his own children. It makes his heart warm and he kind of wants to adopt one when they actually get married.

The child is the one whom Yunho talks about recently. San, as his lover mentions awfully lot the name is engraved in Hongjoong’s memory, works hard, and always makes an effort even for his optional assignments. Hongjoong should admit that Yunho rarely talks about someone with this frequency so he would lie if he said that he doesn’t want to meet with the child. 

However, coming home from a hard working day only to be met with these requests actually puts him off. As if sensing it, Yunho stops and takes a towel to dry his lover’s soft platinum hair. The other instantly melts under the touch and leans his body against the taller one’s.

“Is it a hard day?” His lover whispers and Hongjoong nods only, basking in the warmth that the other radiates. He sighs when the towel is replaced with long gentle fingers, massaging his scalp tenderly. One or two minutes passes when he spun around to kiss his lover. 

Their lips melt with each other and blend in. Yunho’s hands lift the t-shirt and come in contact with the cold skin. His lover moans into his mouth, drawing away, he pants heavily, already affected by Yunho. 

He sees hope in Yunho’s eyes and groans. He throws himself on the bed, sleeping sounds perfect suddenly. 

“Okay! Okay! Tell him to come at 9a.m next Monday! God!” He groans and tries to glare at Yunho but the other just jumping happily, clapping as if he just won tons of candy makes it hard for the shorter man to stay mad. “It is not fair! You know those eyes are my weak spot!” Hongjoong whines although seeing his fiancé happy make him proud of himself. The taller man laughs and puts one of his knees on the bed to kiss the other’s pout. 

Hongjoong whines again when the other cuts the kiss short. He is about to complain when the other drops on his knees, his fingers working on the sweat pants by then. Hongjoong sees the devilish smile on the pure face.

“Let me repay you then.” Hongjoong groans again sleep long forgotten, his eyes half-lidded, his dick half hard from his soulmate’s demeanor. “You will be the death of me.” He whispers when he sees the other takes him all the way to his throat without any problem. His head hits the bed from the sensation of the warm mouth. It will be a long night for them. 

  
“Are you sure this is going to be okay?” San looks at the tall building in front of him. He suddenly feels nauseous. He tugs at necktie, sweating profusely. His professor, Mr.Jeong, as he promised, got him an internship although it will be two weeks. He hears his professor laughing at him from the other side of the call. 

“San, relax. They won’t bite.” He snickers at his own joke while San makes a face at the bad joke. “Well, at least my fiancé won’t bite. Just go. It already is settled, he just will have an interview with you for formality. Now, my class is starting. See you, good luck! Don’t forget you are looking for Kim Hongjoong!” and with that, he hangs up, not waiting for an answer.

San sighs umpteenth time, slapping his cheek gingerly. He gathers his courage and finally steps in the building. 

KQ Business is one of the biggest business companies in the country which is also known as the biggest transportation business. It has branches in different countries, globalizing at its finest. The KQ name is similar to San, not from the news about the company but somewhere else. However, San doesn’t remember where he heard it. 

One of receptionist gives him a card with his name, he puts it on his neck, and shows the way. San watches people move swiftly but no one seems in a real hurry or panicked. He gulps, not seeing himself in one of them’s shoes. He bumps into someone slightly shorter than him. He is about to apologize when he hears the cursing. He is taken aback by the shorter man before him.

“Shit-” Hongjoong looks at the face in front of him dumbly. It can’t be. How the fuck could he not recognize the man his best friend has feelings for? Once he didn’t meet the man, San precisely, until now. Nevertheless, he sees the photograph on Seonghwa’s office desk which contains three-man on it, one of them being the very man in front of him.

“Um--” San looks at the bewildered man before him while Hongjoong connected the dots.

“Oh my god.” He is bewildered where everything puts in the place. “You are _that_ San?” 

Now It is San’s turn to be surprised. He furrows, he steps back subconsciously. “Um, yes, I’m Choi San? Are you Kim Hongjoong the COO?” 

Hongjoong snaps out of it. He eyes the boy from head to toe while San tensed. Although the man is shorter than him, he knows his power, and San can’t help but be scared of it. 

Hongjoong smiles sweetly. He knows what to do. 

“Yes, I am. But I’m busy currently so you will be interviewed by Mr. Park.” He speaks hurriedly, not wanting the boy to ask who is that. He turns on his heels after he utters the boy to wait there. 

He almost runs from his exciting giddy feelings in his stomach. He gets closer to one of his subordinate’s desk, snatching the telephone from the desk. The platinum-haired boy leans his hips against the desk, puts the phone against his ear. He excitedly punches 0 the number, watching the boy fidgeting nervously. 

There is a rustling sound and a deep voice reaches him. Hongjoong laughs at his oblivious best friend. “There will be an intern who will come to your office and you will interview him.” He almost hears the man opening his mouth to complain so he continues hurriedly.

“Shut up. I want a drink later when you come to thank me.” He hangs up. He clears his throat, fixes his suit, and then puts a professional smile on his face. When he gets closer to the boy, his mind already wonders about what is going to happen. 

“Now, I called him and informed him. Go to the top floor.” He pushes the boy to the elevator, stopping until three steps to the elevator. When the boy bows and goes to the elevator, he snatches his own phone to call Yunho for the news. 

  
Saying San feels nervous is a big understatement. He is getting close to throwing up whenever the elevator approaches the top floor. No one gets on the elevator so San wonders if he uses some elevator that he shouldn’t use but the COO pushes him practically inside of it.

The elevator dings and San’s feet beg to go back. He doesn’t know why he feels this much unease. Even he was interviewed for a part-time job, he was calm and excited. This is a new and big job, he tries to reason his nerves.

San steps out of the elevator, only to be met one door. He glances around the corridor but it is quiet and no door is seen other than that in front of him. He takes a deep breath, an empty attempt to calm his fast heartbeats. 

He knocks twice, waiting for an answer. A muffling sound comes and San thinks it is his cue. He opens the door, his eyes on the floor, and he gets inside before closing the door. He is scared to look at his interviewer, feeling self-conscious abruptly.

He hears a loud gasp and some tumbling sounds startles him so he lifts his eyes hazily, only to find two pair familiar black shiny eyes. He inhales but can’t exhale, his heart beating in his ears, unpleasant memories coming to him from the deepest corners of his mind, his feelings, which he took a long time to suppress, emerging from obscurity. 

“San.” He hears the voice which makes him shudder from head to toe, even his insides.

San feels weak when he locks eyes with Seonghwa.

“ _Seonghwa_.”


	10. promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henlooo!! New chapter alert!!  
> I want to say one or two things about this chapter! Firstly, I have no knowledge about business industry so I kind of make things up??? I tried to be on surface, not going too deep but If you have any knowledge about it and it is wrong, please let me know!!  
> This chapter is longer than before lmao I thought it will be the last one but again, I failed successfully I think dsasgjklgd  
> However, now this chapter is posted, there is two chapter! So prepare yourself for the final!! 
> 
> Anyway, I hope y'all like it!! Let me know your thoughts in comments!! Luv yu! Take care!  
> ALSO VOTE FOR ATEEZ IN STARPLAY! LET'S GIVE THE BOYS ANOTHER WIN!!

There is an awkward silence between them until Seonghwa takes the initiative and raises his hand to show one of his couches. San snaps out of it and follows the other’s hand to sit, his hands on his knees. Anxiousness gnaws at him as seconds pass by. 

“So… You are the intern that my friend talked about?” Seonghwa gulps, squirming in his chair a little bit. He feels nervous yet the happiness rambles in his veins. San looks like the same boy whom he met two years ago but again, he doesn’t look like the same boy. Seonghwa can’t decide if it is because now San’s shoulders get broader than before or the way he carries himself. The CEO knows the boy is nervous due to his interview- or is it because of Seonghwa?- but still he becomes aware of the boy’s confident and mature aura. Not that San isn’t confident or mature before but now…

He changes, Seonghwa ponders while he can’t take his eyes off of the boy. 

“Friend? You mean, Kim Hongjoong?” Seonghwa is delighted to hear the boy’s voice. He instantly realizes how much he misses the boy’s voice. “Oh yeah, we are also childhood friends aside from being co-workers. Anyway,” Seonghwa reorganizes his files, just wants to have something in his hands because he itches to hug the boy before him.

There is silence again. San looks at him expectantly, waiting for interview-like questions but Seonghwa is as clueless as someone who doesn’t know how business works. He never attends the interviews. Usually, HR handles it. He kind of wishes he at least attended one of the interviews. 

“So? Business, huh? Why, may I ask?” The CEO cringes from how serious and formal he sounds. The other seems relaxed at the question since it is a question that he knows the answer. San rolls his shoulders, smiling a little bit and Seonghwa’s heart does a back-flip.

“I want to open my own place that brings bliss and joy to people.” San’s smile softens when he recalls the day he realizes his dreams. He looks more comfortable and confident. He looks up at Seonghwa who is watching him with numerous emotions swimming in his eyes.

“I know I can open my own place without studying. Still, I want to see new things and gain more experiences in business before opening my place.” He pats himself mentally. His voice doesn’t waver and he sounds calm and is sure of himself. 

Seonghwa hums, watching the other’s boy for a minute. He looks like he matured enough. The CEO smiles, pushing his files to the side. He puts his elbows on the desk and rests his chin on one of his hands. 

San feels hot suddenly. Being the focus of the other’s attention makes him hot and shy. He averts his eyes, feeling his cheeks warming a little bit. 

“How is your aunt?” The question catches him off guard. He looks at the CEO. San wants to say something snarky. The CEO hurt him a lot after all. How could he find in himself to ask such questions? However, his heart flutters in his chest. The boy sighs internally. He is still the same boy from two years ago who is head over heels with the man before him. 

“She is fine.” He says, tilting his head to the side, wondering why Seonghwa asks such things. “You are still friends with Woo, right? I hear from him sometimes about you.” _I ask him,_ he leaves this part out of the conversation. 

“Yeah. Well, we haven’t been hanging out for nearly a week since our schedules are different. But yes, we are still friends.” San hates himself for blabbering too much, giving too much unnecessary information but the other doesn’t seem to mind it. The CEO watches him quietly, his eyes wandering every inch of the boy.

“You changed,” The words fall out of his mouth before Seonghwa stops himself. He freezes momentarily when he realizes that. He shakes his head swiftly, trying to save his miserable-ass. “I mean it is not a bad thing. It is good-” 

San cuts him off. “Yes. I changed.” His voice suddenly sounds resentful to Seonghwa’s ears. He is the one who averts his eyes this time. He nervously loosens his tie, fidgeting in his chair. 

They share another silence but this time, Seonghwa finds the silence suffocating more than awkward. Their last conversation wasn’t good. Seonghwa knows it, regretting being harsh to the boy every single day. He sighs, past is in the past. There is no use to cry after what happened.

“Um, which department will you work in?” He changes the topic and San gets whiplash from it. 

“Uh- I think I will work with Mr. Kim’s team? Since his fiancé is the one who got me the work.” San isn’t sure of that. He found himself here before asking such things. He doesn’t even know in what position he will work. He feels embarrassed now, at least he should have asked the COO. 

“Oh good. Hongjoong is good. He is capable of many things I am not. You can learn a lot of things from him.” Seonghwa laughs quietly. _O_ _ne of them is holding onto his love better than me,_ he, again, leaves this part out. 

San nods solemnly. He also hopes that. Otherwise, being here won’t do any good to him aside from seeing his crush after years. 

He clears his throat, catching Seonghwa’s attention. “May I go now if you are finished with me?” He motions towards the door. Seonghwa wants to say no, making him stay a little bit longer but it would be childish and San doesn’t look like he wants to stay here more neither. 

The CEO nods, getting up from his seat to walk towards the boy. He is satisfied when he realizes their size difference is still there, although San is a little bit taller than before. 

Seonghwa expands his hand and San, probably more enthusiastic than he should be, shakes his hand. Both of them look at their joined hands, feeling the warmth around them. Either of them look like they will break the handshake soon so Seonghwa clears his throat. San snaps out of it, retreating his hand hurriedly. 

“Oh, I’m…” He stops short when Seonghwa takes a step closer to him. He swallows and slowly raises his head to look at the man. The CEO, after all this time, knows how to knock the wind out of San’s sails. San is sure it isn’t fair that being this attractive and hot at the same time while being in the 40s. 

“I…” Seonghwa’s eyes staring right into the boy’s soul. “I’m glad we met again.” Seonghwa finishes his sentence, sort of lamely. He reaches to San and brushes his bangs to the side, eyeing him softly. San can swear the CEO’s eyes wavered to his lips but he is too surprised to comprehend what is going on. Feeling Seonghwa’s cold fingertips on his forehead faintly does nothing other than that San’s want to lean against it. 

The fingers draw back and he opens his eyes which he didn’t realize he closed it in the first place. “I-I should go.” Flames on his cheek, San hurriedly goes to the door. Without waiting for any answer, he gets out of the room.

“Oh, it was pretty short.” Hongjoong greets him, sounding disappointed. San looks at him through his bangs suspiciously, even so, he nods. Hongjoong points some desk behind him, next to a quiet old man who is tensely punching the keyboard. “You can work there. I will call you if I need anything. Be aware of your surroundings.” The COO talks fast. He walks fast too and San struggles a little bit, albeit determined to do his best. He nods and sits down on the chair. Hongjoong grabs quite a great amount of files from the old man’s desk and drops them on San’s desk. 

“I want these on my desk until 3p.m.” San glances at the clock which shows it is nearly 11pm. He nods again. If he doesn’t eat, he can make it in time. “Oh, also organize them sort by the dates. Old to new.” Hongjoong smirks and walks away.

San sighs and takes a file in his hand. He scans the file while waiting for his computer to open. It seems some important transportation which is going to occur next Thursday from the UK to South Korea. San lifts his gaze to the computer and he opens excel. He crackles his hands and starts to work.

After two hours, San begins to get frustrated because how the fuck does the file stack looks the same amount when he received it two hours ago? He rubs his eyes, shakes his head, and stretches his limbs out. He can do it. He did hardest things than that- for instance, handling a depressed Wooyoung when he got into a fight with Yeosang. Yes, he can do it. 

“San.” He jumps from his seat and turns around, catching Hongjoong’s amused expression. His cheeks redden but he acts as if nothing happened. “The files?” San stares at him for a few seconds and then steps aside to show Hongjoong how is the job going. 

Hongjoong hums, eyeing the process of San’s work. He is impressed. Yunho wasn’t lying when he said that San is stubborn and works hard to achieve anything he wants. Hongjoong put more files without being noticed by San but the boy already finished the first amount of work. He steps back and studies the nervous boy who fidgets uncomfortably. 

“Come with me.” He commands and walks swiftly. San blinks and then runs after Hongjoong. He catches him and walks fast to keep up with him. 

Hongjoong opens a door, revealing long storage. It is a little bit dark before Hongjoong switches the light on. “This is the storage. We stock our important deals.” The COO explains and the intern is in awe by the amount of file.

“I need 2010’s deals with Indonesia.” He waits for the boy’s reaction, ready to test the intern’s patience and nerves. “Okay, I can do that.” San accepts. “Which deal?” He looks at the COO who smirks at the question and San instantly knows he fucks up. 

“All of them.” Then without waiting for any answer, he pushes San inside the room and closes the door. 

“Great.” San sighs. He goes to the beginning of the room, searching for 2010’s deals. Some of the tags are ripped off and some of them aren’t in the good condition for San to read the date. “Fuck.” He wants to bang his head to something-- anything. He grunts and curses his luck. He opens the first box of files to find the date. He can do it.

He realizes the files aren’t in order. He found some 2014’s deals in 2009’s deals so he had no choice but to open every box to see the date. He forgets his phone in his desk so he doesn’t know how much hour passes by when Hongjoong visits him.

He sits down on the floor, surrounded by the boxes and files. Hongjoong laughs at him and pats him on the head after he gives him a sandwich and chocolate milk. San is glad that at least he can stop his stomach from grumbling out loud. He accepts the food, immediately opens the wrapping of the sandwich. Hongjoong leaves him without saying anything. 

San finishes finding documents he needs to roughly when the door opens again. “I finished almo- oh.” He looks at the CEO who is standing at the entrance of the storage. San is about to stand up when Seonghwa stops him. “No,- just-” He breathes slowly, smiling at the intern. “I wanted to check up on you.” 

San thanks him quietly, waiting for the other leaving him but the CEO has other plans. 

He crouches down near to San and grabs one of the files that the intern sets aside. “Hongjoong wanted 2010’s files?” and then laughs as if it is an amusing thing for the COO to want them. 

“Yes, Something is wrong with that?” unintentionally, San sounds more aggressive than he wants to be. Although flowers bloom in his heart as soon as he saw the CEO. 

Seonghwa shakes his head, then looks at San softly. “These deals are invalid.” 

San’s jaw drops at that. Was he searching for invalid files for almost- god knows how much time passes already. He groans and throws his head back to hit one of the iron shelves of the file library. He squeaks and holds his head. 

“Are you okay?!” Seonghwa exclaims and before San affirms it, there are hands on his head, rubbing the spot he hit delicately. San swallows and closes his eyes, allowing himself to swim in the warmth of the action. One of the hands holds his shoulder while the other rubs the spot gently. It is nothing than a dull pain but San feels serene under the attention which is coming from the person that San holds in his heart dearly.

“Are you okay?” Seonghwa whispers, suddenly realizing how closer he is to the intern. San lifts his head to make eye contact. His eyes are at the same level as the other’s lips but San is stubborn not to look at them. He inhales but he couldn’t give his breath from the closeness. If he just bends his head forward, he would feel the other’s lips on his forehead. 

“Yeah.” San croaks, turning his head to avoid the intense stare. “Thank you.” 

Seonghwa withdraws, finally giving San some space to breathe. The silence wraps them like an itchy blanket. It is comfortable and San only wants to be alone right now.

“We need to renew the contract every five years just in case our business partners want to add something to the deal or just because we don’t want to be their partners anymore,” Seonghwa explains suddenly, only because he is as uncomfortable as San in this situation. 

San tilts his head, furrowing his eyebrows which Seonghwa ache to smooth the furrow. “Why would you nullify the contract?” he asks curiously, the incident long forgotten. 

“Oh..” Seonghwa thinks of a moment that they avoid a contract. “Actually, it is rare for us to avoid a contract but sometimes there is news about the partner’s company which are bad.” He thinks of the time where they nullified the contract with some US company since the CEO of the company was in the news about drug trafficking. “We need to protect our reputation.” He smiles, hoping his explanation is enough for the curious intern. 

San hums, finding it enough to be a reason. He looks at the files around him. “Are all my efforts for nothing?” He pouts. Seonghwa chuckles at the cuteness of the boy. “Probably not. Hongjoong probably wanted you to learn about contracts we have been doing with other countries,” he explains.

San thinks for a moment. He was interested in the contracts so he scanned most of them. He learned a few things, for example, every article changes from country to country. So he can’t say he didn’t learn anything. He accepts his fate.

“At least he could have said that at first.” accepting his fate doesn’t mean that he can’t whine about it. “I could have looked at the details more if he just had said that.” He pouts again, stretching his legs out. He looks like a child. Seonghwa listens his rants about Hongjoong not saying anything to him fondly. 

San stops himself abruptly. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have complained like a child.” He sighs and starts to pick up everything. Seonghwa stares at him softly, this childish side of the intern does wonderful things to his heart. He sighs contently. 

“Hongjoong is hard to work together with.” He begins, attracting San’s attention to him. “He is a perfectionist. He wants to do everything with his way.” He picks up 2010’s files San sets aside and puts them in an empty box. “He drives everyone crazy. Some interns before you quit because of him.” He smiles when he remembered the day HR came to complain about his friend’s fixation of perfection. 

“But because of him, our sales are high. Our partners want to work with us because Hongjoong keeps in mind their wants, he is in tune with their needs. Naturally, they prefer to work with us.” The CEO finishes and San suddenly is reminded that the person before him whom he is whipped for is actually a CEO, very rational one from what San hears.

“Go and tell Hongjoong that he gives himself away.” He grins at San and straightens himself. San picks up the rest of the files, sorting them from old to new. He puts them in their place. Seonghwa waits for him to finish. Oddly, San finds it cute but he shakes himself hastily, not allowing himself to have such thoughts about the CEO. 

They leave the storage together, walking in silence side by side. They stop in front of the elevator. San opens his mouth but a voice stops him.

“Seonghwa?” Hongjoong looks at two suspiciously, suddenly wishing that they didn’t mess up in storage. “Why are you here?” he asks and San takes an interest in the question. He gazes at the CEO expectantly.

Seonghwa looks at his best friend and then his very young crush, panicking fairly. “Oh… It’s just… I…” Fuck it, he thinks. 

“I came here to see how things are going for San.” He fixes his gaze on his friend, daring him to say anything. Hongjoong looks amused by the answer while a pretty pink colors up San’s cheeks. Seonghwa’s hand twitches for touching them, palming them. 

“Is that so?” The teasing tone causes Seonghwa to roll his eyes. “Yes, and stop giving the interns unnecessary works.” He calls for the elevator while San still stands next to him, his cheeks are still a pretty pink like cherry blossoms. 

“Are we talking about all interns or a certain one?” Hongjoong challenges him. Now, Seonghwa feels his cheeks getting hot but he doesn't budge an inch. He arches one of his eyebrows at his amused friend. 

“Generally all interns but now, I’m speaking about a certain one.” He gets into the elevator. The last thing he saw is San’s blush spreading through his whole face.

Hongjoong looks at the closed elevator with open-mouth. When the fuck did his best friend decide to be straightforward, especially beside his undying crush?

“From his words, I understand you figured out?” He composes himself rather quickly, eyeing the intern who has a deep pink blush on his high cheekbones. He looks cute and Hongjoong sort of understands why Seonghwa has feelings for someone like San.

“Yeah.” San croaks and immediately glances away. “Then go and take a break.” Hongjoong talks then he waits for San to go out. He goes to the storage room, opening the room. He sniffs the air. 

“At least, he didn’t jump on the poor boy here.” He mutters, before examining the boxes. He picks a few of them, seeing they are in order. He grins proudly. It seems like the boy did a good job after all.

After a few days, San is used to run errands, doing lots of unimportant tasks for Hongjoong. He is almost sure that Hongjoong is testing his patience and nerves but he doesn’t show any giving up signs. He is determined to prove himself although his internship will finish next week. However, he hates doing half-assed works. He doesn’t give Hongjoong pleasure about anything he does. 

Today is one of the same too. Well until Hongjoong comes to him and tells him to join a meeting with him. He looks at the COO bewilderedly. 

“Hurry up, San. We don’t have all day.” Hongjoong snaps angrily and San springs to his feet hurriedly, grabbing a notebook and two of his pens just in case. 

They walk to the meeting room together. The COO opens the door, a professional smile on his face right away. “Sorry for coming late. My pupil is slow.” Hongjoong laughs, ruffling San’s hair. 

San is ecstatic from being called a pupil by Hongjoong. His smile becomes a genuine one until he sees Seonghwa sitting at the head of the long table. He freezes momentarily before following Hongjoong to sit next to him. Seonghwa sends him a soft smile before his expression becomes somber. 

The meeting starts as soon as everyone is in the room. Seonghwa leans against the desk, his expression doesn’t give away what he is thinking. San shakes himself mentally, focusing on the topic rather than Seonghwa. 

“Bullshit.” Hongjoong spits, throwing the contract on the table. He looks angry. A woman who looks older than Hongjoong sighs, pushing the contract in front of him. “Stop being a child. We need this company’s partnership. It will help our branches in the UK to grow big.” Her voice shows her tiredness. 

Hongjoong laughs as if she tells him a funny joke. “Fuck the partnership. The contract will make us look stupid. They only want to carry their fucking beauty products while paying us one-third of the usual pay.” He argues, pushing the contract towards the woman. San checks his notebook, realizing it is true. They want precisely cheap price although they want four cargo planes for it. 

“You are in a meeting. Watch your language!” The woman hisses, her anger bursting from her radiant brown eyes. San makes himself small when the argument gets heated. It is full of tense and angry spats here and there. San wishes he just turned down the offer. 

“Enough.” Seonghwa’s voice reaches to him and although the CEO doesn’t shout or even raise his voice an octave, everyone becomes quiet. Every attention goes to the CEO. He flips his pen once. 

“Mr. Kim, be professional and stop cursing.” He warns the COO and then turns to the woman. “Mrs. Lee please calm down.” 

He sighs, straightens his back, and scanning the documents in front of him for a while in silence. Everyone waits for him to speak, no one daring to say anything. Hongjoong sends a hard glare to Mrs. Lee though.

“We won’t accept the contract. It is below our standards.” He declares, not looking up from his documents. He sets aside a few of the papers to find the one he is searching for. Hongjoong smirks, sprawling around. 

“Mr. Kim will find a way to please both sides.” He looks up at Hongjoong pointedly who accepts it with a nod. “Okay then,” Seonghwa grabs his documents, looking at everyone in the room, his eyes soften when they stop on San. 

“Dismissed.” Everyone gets up after he gets up. One by one, everyone gets out of the room. San follows Hongjoong, bowing to other chiefs hurriedly.

“So how is your first meeting?” Hongjoong sits on San’s desk, crossing his legs, examining his nails. He needs to trim them. 

“Uh… It is stressful?” Hongjoong laughs at the unsure tone of the intern. He pats him on the shoulder. “You should get used to it if you want a career in the business industry.” San nods. 

“So Mr. Park has the last say always?” He asks, watching the COO gets off his desk. “Mostly yes.” Hongjoong smirks at the intern. 

“He looked hot in there, no?” He says suddenly, making San chokes on his own saliva. The COO chuckles at him, rubbing his back sympathetically.

“No one blames you. Seonghwa is hot until he opens his mouth, then he only talks about his son.” Hongjoong speaks mindlessly. Then he sees San listens to him carefully even though he tries to show he isn’t interested in what Hongjoong says. The COO smirks. 

“Well, he also talked about a certain pink-haired boy awfully a lot back then.” 

San freezes. Seonghwa talked about him? He nervously pulls his now black hair and wonders if the man really thought of San as much as San did- San still thinks of him. Does Seonghwa think of him too?

Hongjoong clears his throat, obviously enjoys San’s thoughtful mood. “Well, that boy did have dye his hair back to black. Such a pity, Seonghwa whined about how he wants to stroke the pink hair.” San blushes slightly, fiddling with documents Hongjoong dropped on his desk before the meeting. 

Hongjoong looks at his watch. He should go and prepare the contract now. Lastly, he gazes at the boy, then smiles softly.

“Well, he still thinks of that boy. After all these years his love never dies away.” With that, Hongjoong disappears to his room, leaving a shocked San behind. 

San holds his breath, trying to absorb the words. Seonghwa still thinks of him? His love? Never dies? His love for what? San doesn’t want to think about it like that but Hongjoong’s implication already resounds in his mind. 

Seonghwa loves him. Then why did he push San away like that? Why did he hurt San that much if he loved him? Why did San cry then? Why did San go through a lot? 

The anger boils in his veins and he bangs the files on his desk, startling the man next to him. If Seonghwa thinks he can have him now, because he helps him at work or treats him kindly, oh is he so wrong. 

San hates it because he probably let Seonghwa have him because he is an idiot because he is still deeply, uncontrollably, terribly in love with Park Seonghwa. 

However, he thinks while wiping furiously his unshed tears, he will protect himself from the pain this time. He promises himself. 


	11. longingly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> //DISCLAIMER//  
> There is smut in this chapter but not between major characters 👀 This is not too graphic but still graphic a little bit I think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henlooo!! New chapter!!  
> Fuck, It has been a long time since the last time I updated and like this is the longest chapter I have written in this work about 5k or more lol  
> And this chapter is so fucking good!! You will see why lmao and we have an unexpected guest lmao 👀
> 
> A note; for clarifying things, I'm an adult and a bisexual woman(I use she/her). I saw things on twt and thinks it would be great if I just write it down lol
> 
> Anyway, here you go! I hope you will like it!! Let me know your thoughts in comments!!

“So my dad is your boss, huh? He didn’t tell me.” Wooyoung tosses some popcorn to Yeosang who is typing his essay on San’s laptop. The latter looks at the playful boy and rolls his eyes at the childish action. San watches them and sighs. Since he reunited with Seonghwa -if you can count it as a reunion- He wishes to have that kind of playfulness, intimacy, and love with a particular someone. He shakes his head when he comprehends what the boy said.

“Wait, he didn’t tell you?” San asks, disappointment clear in his voice. He thinks of it as a bad sign immediately. Isn’t San working in his company important? San’s face falls. Wooyoung becomes alarmed and shakes his hands, fussing. “We haven’t talked with each other since last month. He is busy and I’m busy. That’s why.” San’s shoulders drop although Wooyoung probably is right. He sighs, cupping his chin, his eyes strolling on Yeosang’s fingers on the keyboard. 

They are in San’s house. Wooyoung drags Yeosang with him because they didn’t see San almost for a week and it is kind of a record. It is San’s day-off. Well, sort of. He works from 8 am to 1 pm today. They are hanging out in San’s kitchen. Wooyoung sits on the counter, eating popcorn, annoying the shit out of Yeosang. The latter is working on an essay about the criminal justice act or something, San finds it confusing. His best friend is sitting on the table, typing the words, tired of Wooyoung’s popcorn falling on his lap. San is next to Yeosang, talking with Wooyoung about his job and telling them about his internship.

“Hasn’t he already banged you against a wall yet?” Yeosang inquired. The reaction he gets is fairly instant. San chokes on the popcorn piece Wooyoung tosses in his mouth successfully. Wooyoung laughs highly and coos San. Yeosang sees his friend’s cheek starts to color and being amused becomes more interesting than his essay. 

“My virgin detector is on.” Wooyoung jokes. “The church boy is shy. Don’t ask such shameful things, baby.” Yeosang grins and sends his essay to his e-mail, being interested in this topic.

“I’m not a virgin!” San squealed with a cracked voice and the others’ laugh become more high-pitched. San whines and walks to push Wooyoung away the kitchen island. “I hate you.” He mumbles and hops onto the surface, pouts. Wooyoung shrugs, he still has a grin on his face and he jumps next to his best friend, hugging him tightly. 

“Are you still crushing him hard?” Yeosang asks and honestly, San has been escaping this question the whole afternoon. “It is okay. We won’t judge you.” Yeosang comes to their side, leans against the kitchen island, places his hand on San’s thigh, squeezing for comfort. San smiles at him. “And I also am okay with you being my step-daddy.” Wooyoung wriggles his eyebrows and the other two groans at the bad joke.

San sighs. “I just… I thought I was over him but the second I saw him… All butterflies come back and some force squeezes my lungs as… you know... like the times I was near him.” He breathes. His friends listen to him attentively. 

San thinks of his first week at the internship. He did well. Yunho told him that when he submitted his internship journal thing Yunho pesters them to do. Hongjoong told him that when he showed his Japanese skills with a customer on the phone. That very (cute) Chief -San doesn’t remember his title but he knows it is high- Mr. Choi Jongho told him that when he brought him some documents to sign and he encourages San with such nice words. Also… 

Seonghwa told him that he did well too. He just brought him the same documents Mr. Choi signed. He was delightful, had a desire to talk about the conversation he shared with Mr.Choi. Before he could stop himself, he abruptly told Seonghwa about it with a big grin on his face. He was talking non-stop, totally lost himself of the praise he got. He didn’t notice he got carried away until he saw Seonghwa watched him with an affectionate gaze. He apologized in the middle of his bubbly monologue, getting embarrassed. Seonghwa simply chuckled and waved off. 

“It is normal to be proud of it. You did it by yourself.” Seonghwa expands the documents to him. San takes them gingerly, nodding his head. “I also am proud of you.” Seonghwa begins. “It is not easy to make Hongjoong like you and to get praise from him.” He smiles at San’s tomato red ears. “You did well. Well done.”

And that’s it. If San couldn’t get calm his nerves -and his heart- the next three hours, it was nobody’s business. 

He sighs and pokes Yeosang’s hand.

“I don’t want to be seen as an eager child to have something he couldn’t at first.” He mumbles, annoying of himself for thinking like that. “But you are- Ow!” Wooyoung screams when Yeosang slaps his thigh hard and the latter ignores him as if he isn’t the one who slapped him. He focuses on his sulking friend.

“San.” He calls and the other meets his gaze. “It is okay to be eager. You love him for a long time. God, even I sometimes question myself if I did the right thing to fall in love with that dumbass-”    
  
“Hey!”

“But you haven’t given up on your love for him even for a minute. Plus I have known you for a long time either and c’mon!” He exclaims. “It is the first time for me to see you like that. I mean a total idiot, head in the clouds because his crush called his braids cute!” He jokes and San blushes like a high-schooler. 

“Actually…” He gulps. “Hongjoong told me that he is.. uh… he loves me?” He finishes weakly, scared of the reactions. A minute silence and then-

“Oh my god! Joong? Joongie?” San makes a face hearing the high screaming next to his ear. “Are you talking about Kim Hongjoong as in my dad’s best friend and the coolest dude on the earth who always reforms the coolest shits?” Yeosang looks at him, arching an eyebrow. 

“Why are you this excited about hearing that Hongjoong guy?” Wooyoung stops at the annoyed tone and looks at his lover. He gulps, smiles sweetly. “He always brings me gifts. He is so hot. He sometimes dyes his hair unnatural colors. He is a friend of my dad.” He speaks sweetly and sees Yeosang’s eye twitching. “And he has a hot fiancé as well as him who adores me because I’m cute.” He finishes.

Yeosang relaxes visibly at the mention of the fiancé but Wooyoung makes a mental note of bringing it up later.

“Yeah, Mr. Jeong is my professor. He is the one who arranged this internship for me.” San connects the dots and curses himself. If he talked to Wooyoung about it earlier, he wouldn’t need to meet Seonghwa at all- but would he want that? He doubts. 

“Okay, so Seonghwa loves you? His friend told you about it?” Yeosang remarks and Wooyoung screams about some non-coherent daddy jokes. San wants to choke him but he knows better. Wooyoung probably would make dirty daddy jokes.

“Yeah but I don’t want to open my heart-” 

“Or legs-”

“Shut up Wooyoung!” Yeosang and San yell at him at once. He crosses his arms against his chest, pouts. San sighs, shaking his head as if he is defeated in a game. Wooyoung sees him and hugs him instantly, long forgotten why he sulks in the first place. 

“It is okay. I understand. You don’t want him to get you this easy and you know what?” Wooyoung pats San’s head, smiling from ear to ear. “It is fine to play hard to get. If he wants you, he will try and you are worth it all these things.” He finishes determinedly, waving his hands extravagating.

San feels relaxed both mentally and physically. His friends always know what he needs and the right comfort words. He hugs Wooyoung in return, feels warm in his heart. Yeosang pats his thigh one more time. He looks at the clock.

“It is time to go.” He declares, pulling Wooyoung off of the counter. “Call us if you need anything.” Wooyung waves, following his boyfriend to the door. San sees them off, waving absent-minded until he realizes they are gone already. He goes to the kitchen again, tidying their messes, especially the popcorns Wooyoung threw everywhere. 

Seonghwa doesn’t tell San works in his company to his son. San can't decide that if it is a bad sign or not. Wooyoung told him that they hadn’t been talking but San is his son’s best friend. Shouldn’t one tell his son that his best friend works for themselves? Maybe, he doesn’t think as an important development, San ponders. His stomach burns at the thought. He makes a face, changing the bin liner. 

He wants to be important someone for Seonghwa but he also doesn’t want to give in easily. He sighs umpteenth time today. Fuck it, he decides. He needs to get Seonghwa out of his head or he will go mad. 

He takes the trash and opens his door to leave the bag in front of his door. He comes across a face he doesn’t want to see now. 

“Hey.” The man before him greets and San grunts, leaving the thrash next to the door. He straightens himself and leans his hip against the doorway. He looks at the man, arching one of his eyebrows. “Didn’t I make myself clear last time?” His voice sounds so tired although he feels fine. Well, at least physically. 

“But don’t you think we are compatible? Please, give us a chance.” The man doesn’t sound like begging or anything related to that. San wants to shut the door in his face. He shakes his head. “Look- I was drunk and I didn’t even remember your name-”    
  
“Noah.” He interrupts San and San is close to slamming the door in his face. 

“Okay, Noah. I will make myself clear again.” He clears his throat. The man looks at him, hope in his eyes. San stops leaning against the doorway. He tries to make himself tall in an empty attempt. The man is much taller than him. Probably even than Seong-

No. San shakes his head, not allowing his mind to go to that person.

“I am not looking for a relationship, okay? It was a one-time thing, okay? A fling, hookup, one-night stand, or whatever you want to call.” San speaks rather harshly but the man doesn’t look like he picks up the tone of his. Instead, he places his forearm the doorway, leaning over San. He smirks and San smells the coffee the man drank before coming to his place probably. 

“But baby, you didn’t say that when I pound you against the mattress.” 

Okay, that’s it. San pulls away and before the man reacts, he slams the door. He waits for a second, then he hears the usual yelling, telling him he wasn’t going to find someone better than him and bla bla. 

San hates his luck. He curses himself to let the man inside his house before. He could have gone to a hotel but no because you are an idiot, Choi San. He curses himself internally. Walking to the living room, he opens the TV while he reads the expired contracts Hongjoong lent him. 

He still hears the yelling. Damn it. He should bake something to give neighbors an apology. Maybe he could use those recipes he wrote down but never did it. Yeah, it is a great idea. 

  
  
  
  


“San, will you be a dear and bring those documents to Mr. Park?” Mr. Choi, the CFO -San remembers it from seeing him almost every day- calls him from where he stands next to Hongjoong. They were drinking coffee and debating something when San saw them two seconds ago. The latter gets up, walks to them, takes the documents. He smiles. 

“Sure sir.” He is about to go but Hongjoong stops him. “Mr. Park as in the CEO.” he smiles knowingly and too sweet for San to not being suspicious of it. He sighs anyway. There is no way he can refuse it. Hongjoong makes it clear at the beginning for him to fulfill everything his superiors ask. 

He nods, then goes to the elevator. Okay, he tells himself. He will go to his office, knocks his door, gets inside, leaves the documents, and then gets out. They didn’t say Seonghwa should sign this or anything makes him stay more. So he can handle it fast. He is fast. How can it go wrong?

It can go wrong as much as San doesn’t want it to. 

The first thing he sees when he gets inside after no one answers his knocking is Seonghwa laying on his sofa. He took off his suit jacket, San didn’t know where it is, probably in that wardrobe-looking board in the corner of the office. His hands are on his belly, his eyes closed, his lips parted slightly. He looks like he is sleeping and San stands at the entrance, not knowing what to do. He just needs to put the documents on the desk, then leave but San doesn’t do it.

Blame his butterflies and his goddamn crush on that sleeping beauty. 

He goes to the desk, leaving the documents on it. He takes a deep breath and turns around. He sees the CEO is still sleeping safe and sound. San comes closer. He waits for the man to sense his existence and wake up but he must be in a deep dream that he doesn’t even twitch or change his position. 

San sighs, crouches down, sitting on the low coffee table. The CEO snores softly, his head is on a weird angle. He knits his eyebrows in his sleep, he mumbles something quietly and moves. San freezes for a second. However, he notices the man is still in deep sleep. San takes a deep breath. He scoots over the table and puts his knees on the floor. He takes the CEO’s head and places him on the cushion he finds on the sofa. 

After that, he watches the man who looks more comfortable. His mind screams at him to leave the room but he simply chooses to ignore it. This might be the first and last chance of him seeing the man sleeping. He seizes his opportunity. Well, if you don’t count the fact that he may look like a creep who is watching someone sleeping from outside.

I am pathetic, he pities himself. His fingers trace the knitted eyebrows, trying to soothe them. “What are you dreaming about?” He whispers, smiling at the man when his eyebrows relax leisurely.

“San…” He freezes for a moment, hearing his name. He is about to panic when he realizes the man is still dreaming and now he has a faint smile on his face too. 

San’s heart skips a beat. His breath comes out shakily. He blinks, registering it slowly. Seonghwa says his name. In his dream. Oh my god. Is it a dream? Is San the one who is dreaming? His heart says otherwise.

He gazes at the sleeping man longingly. “Idiot..” He whispers, he doesn’t want him to get up and catch San to watch him while he is sleeping. “If you love me, then why did you push me away?” His voice wavers, his head drops as if he is defeated. The pain becomes a dull ache. He knows. He knows it better but still…

He sniffs, wiping his unshed tears furiously. No, it isn’t the time.

“I’m sorry for pushing you like that.” he hears a hoarse voice. His mind’s wheels stop to turn, he freezes. He looks up slowly, meeting a sleepy face but open two eyes. He holds his breath. Seonghwa is awake. He heard him. Seonghwa is awake and he heard him.

San’s mind screams and he squeaks, trying to get up from his position, only to fall behind and hit his head on the coffee table. He cries out loud from the pain or from feeling self-conscious. He doesn’t know. He wants the earth to swallow him whole so that he wouldn’t confront Seonghwa why he is watching him in his sleep like a pervert.

“Are you okay?” Seonghwa sounds more awake now, his hands are on San’s head, checking swelling or anything serious, rubbing softly. San wants to cry from both feeling warmth and embarrassment. His cheeks feel hot from the attention he gets. He clears his throat, backing off from the hands on his head.

“I’m fine.” He coughs. He doesn’t meet with Seonghwa’s gaze until the other lifts his head from holding his chin. “San, look at me…” He pleads and San is so weak for that tone. 

Their eyes meet and the urge to cry in San increases. He gulps. He wants to get out. He wants to be far away from the man. He can’t think straight when Seonghwa looks at him like this. Like he is the one who matters to him most. Like he can give San everything if the latter asks. Like… Like San is his whole world, his only reason to live, to go on. 

And it hurts. 

It hurts San so much that the only thing he wants is Seonghwa kissing him, healing his wounds, and telling him he is by his side now.

“I-” 

“I brought some documents Mr. Choi gave me.” San interrupts before Seonghwa has a chance. He clears his throat when he hears the crack on his voice. He gets up, looking everywhere but Seonghwa who is still sitting on the couch. “Now, I will take my leave.” He says and makes a move to the door. 

Seonghwa grabs his wrist, stopping him momentarily. San closes his eyes and curses his fucking heart to make him stay here. 

“San, I was serious about what I said.” His voice sounds like he is hurt. He is hurt? Fuck it. San resents him at this moment because if someone is hurt, that is San. That is San who was pushed away. That is San who suffered from the rejection. That is San who had to cope up with it. That is San who now has to take medicine because his fucking mind likes to remind him of that night when he was rejected by his crush in his dreams. He needs sleep, not some nightmares about that painful rejection he tries to forget achingly.

He clenches his jaw and turns around, saving his wrist from Seonghwa’s hold, harsh and cold.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” San looks at him with all his courage, praying his eyes doesn’t give his feelings away. “Sir.” He adds and without waiting for anything, he gets out of the room. His heart hurts again at the recall of that night. 

I’m at work for god’s sake, he scolds himself. He walks to the elevator, catching it on time. He gets in, pushing the button for his floor. He sighs, watching himself in the mirror. He sees the unshed tears. It isn’t the time to cry. He has another two hours before going home. He can wait. 

He sees the first tear rolling on his cheek and he laughs at his pathetic-self. The tears start to roll down non-stop. He wipes them but no avail. The more he wipes the more tears roll down. He goes to the bathroom as soon as he gets off the elevator. He won’t let anyone see him this vulnerable. 

San takes an unnecessary amount of tissues and he blows his nose after he dashes away his tears. He observes his reflection. He decides it is enough to look pathetic and feel pathetic. He straightens his back and musters up a smile, seeing it also on his reflection’s face.

He goes back to his working place. Hongjoong immediately realizes his mood and goes up to him. “Are you okay?” he asks, sounding worried. San smiles, nods. He pulls a file he has read ages ago just for not going mad. He needs a distraction. Hongjoong doesn’t look like he believes him but he lets him be alone. San appreciates that and drowns himself into the work.

  
  
  
  


As soon as San gets off work, he goes to a bar, wishes to get out of his crazy mind. The boy is close to losing his mind. He wants to breathe. He wants to think without his mind wavering to the same person. He orders a bourbon. 

“Make it double,” San says after a second thought. He needs something strong to forget everything. He rubs his face, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. The burning feel on his throat makes it better. He feels better already. He finishes his alcohol in the second drinking. He orders another. 

“Wow! Someone is having a bad day, huh?” In his fourth or something more drink, someone sits next to him. San turns to him and checking the man out shamelessly. He can blame the alcohol later for his daring behavior. He likes what he sees. The broad shoulders, the collarbones peeking through his oversize t-shirt, his jaw as sharp as a knife. San’s vision becomes blurred after his second shot bourbon but he knows this man is attractive. He resembles Seonghwa-

Fuck. San isn’t drunk enough.

“Don’t ask.” San grunts, turning his empty glass in his hand, contemplating if that’s okay to leave all of his earnings here and live on instant noodles until next month. The man chuckles attractively and San swoons over him unintentionally. He makes a sign for the bartender. 

“I want a brandy and give him whatever he was drinking.” He orders smoothly. It takes a few minutes for San’s drunk mind to fathom what he said. He protests, saying he is okay but the man makes him hold the refilled glass. His hands are warm, San thinks vaguely. 

They drink in silence for a few minutes until the stranger offers to get out of there. San says yes. 

They arrive at a luxurious apartment. San doesn’t remember the road trip but the apartment looks nice and the decor is something San would love to do if he has money this much. He throws his suit jacket on the leather couch in the middle of the living room.

“What have I gotten myself into? A sugar daddy?” He jokes and the man laughs, hanging his blazer on the coat hanger. 

“If you want to.” He suggests, approaching San, caging him between himself and the wall. San looks at him through his lashes and smiles sweetly, toying with the tie on the man. “Nah, It will be a one-night time thing.” His voice doesn’t leave for any argument. The man nods. “My name is Hyunjin,” he says. San nods, taking both ties on their necks, tossing them somewhere else. “You will need it later when screaming,” he smirks knowingly. San shivers and moans at the implication.

“This is a promise then.” San unbuttons his shirt in a hurry of tasting the skin. Their lips connect with hunger. Groans and moans fill the living room. Hyunjin moves towards his room without abandoning the sweet lips of San’s. The latter’s mind is spinning from both alcohol and the hot kiss he is receiving. 

Before he recalls everything, the man is already balls-deep inside him. He moans at the sensation. He squirms, tightens, relaxes around the dick inside him. He inhales shakily when the man above him pulls back, only to slam hard and deep. San throws his head back, his back arching prettily. He feels hands on his torso, caressing his muscles on his abdomen, playing with his nipples. 

“You are beautiful,” Hyunjin whispers and kisses his chest. San takes the opportunity to breathe. He is shaking from pleasure already, Hyunjin’s tongue traveling from his nipple to the other. He feels pleasure from the cock filling him till the brim. 

“San..” His eyes snap open at the familiar voice not belonging to the man above him, he sees Seonghwa for a second before blinking away. He watches the ceiling, absent-minded, angry at his drunk mind to play games like this. Then he hiccups.

Hyunjin stops and looks at him. “Does it hurt? I can stop-”

“No!” San squeals, panicking. The man catches his shaking hand, smiling and kissing his tears away. San didn’t realize he was crying until then. “Tell me if it hurts,” he speaks sweetly and San melts, his heart is being squeezed by some unknown force. 

“It feels so good. Please,” He begs and moans when Hyunjin hits his sweet spot. “Please make me forget,” he hiccups, and tears won’t stop falling. The man doesn’t question him, just ramming into him hard and deep, not abandon his pace. 

San cries and cries, he wraps his arms around the man, his nails scratching the man’s back. He wants to forget. He doesn’t want to remember.

  
  
  
  


He wakes up with a terrible headache. He grunts and gets up, throwing the blanket off of himself. He blinks until his vision gets better. He looks at the unfamiliar scene in front of him and panics. Where is he?

“Oh, you woke up?” He snaps his head and sees the man who brings last night’s memories back. He rubs his face. He must have fallen asleep or else he would have gone by now. The man passes him a glass of water and a painkiller. He mumbles thanks. He sighs after drinking the water. It helps his dehydrated body and mind. 

He gets up and picks his clothes from the floor, wearing them. Hyunjin watches him in silence. San isn’t shy about showing his body. The man already saw more than he should see. San cringes when he realizes he cried in the middle of sex. 

“Um… Thank you and I’m sorry?” he speaks with uncertainty. Hyunjin smiles and nods understandingly. “And I don’t remember if I told you that but it is-”

“A one-time being. Yeah, you weren’t drunk enough to forget it and the man who made you cry.” Hyunjin’s tone is natural and San doesn’t see any mocked expression on his face neither. He sighs, pushing his hair back, flustered with himself. “Yeah, it is just- 9 p.m?! Shit!” He grabs his tie when he sees the clock on the wall. 

He is late! He is way too late! Hongjoong is going to kill him! 

“Are you late? I will drop you off.” Hyunjin comes to his rescue and San accepts without any second thought. 

He finds himself in front of the company. He blinks too much. Is the trip too short to realize? Or did he worry himself too much? 

“Oh, you are working for KQ?” The man asks him curiously, eyeing the building. San nods and gets off. He hears another door closing and turns only to see Hyunjin behind him. The latter flashes a smile at him, tugging San’s black hair behind his ear. 

“I don’t know anything but believe me.” He starts, holding one of San’s hands, his thumb smoothing it feathery. “You can’t cope up with alcohol or one-night stands.” His eyes trace San’s face. His hand that tugged the hair behind San’s ear stops at his cheek, caressing it. 

“You are pretty-” He compliments San but before he continues, the familiar voice interrupts them. 

“San?” The blood on San’s face is drained. He turns his head, meeting with Seonghwa’s emotional eyes. His jaw drops. He frightens for a minute before remembering yesterday. 

“Oh, Seonghwa.” Hyunjin greets him and San is bewildered at the familiarness when Seonghwa greets him back. San doesn’t say anything. He watches the interaction. One of his biggest fear comes true. One of his hookups meets his crush. And this isn’t some fling. San eyes Hyunjin warily. Hyunjin realized the problem and San fucking cried on him in the middle of sex. 

God, if you are there, please take me San begs to the deity in his mind. 

“So where do you know each other?” The question throws at both of them and another one of San’s fear comes true. Seonghw asking him how he would meet with his hookups. 

“We hooked up last night.” Hyunjin drops the facts very casually and San makes a distressed noise, even sounding cringe to himself. He is alarmed by Seonghwa’s hardened face. He sees the face only in meetings when Hongjoong gets into a fight with another C-level executive. 

“Did you?” He mocks lightly. San makes eye contact with him all of a sudden. Seonghwa looks like he wants him to affirm it. San nods, almost shameful of himself. Then he remembers yesterday again. 

“Yes.” He says this time, making sure it is enough to understand. San waits for many things from Seonghwa such as angry spites or uncaring attitude. Yet, San doesn’t expect to see the hurt as clear as the weather in his face. He stumbles in his own thoughts. 

Hyunjin eyes them carefully before the light switches on. He smiles knowingly, pulls San to him, and kisses him in front of Seonghwa. The other two are too shocked to do anything. Seonghwa stops where he stands, San stands where he is being kissed. Hyunjin separates from him, sighing because of the soft lips. “Take your chance. You won’t be turned down.” He whispers to San’s lips and pulls away. “See you later, Seonghwa.” He gets in his car and he drives off, leaving the two alone. 

San doesn’t meet with the other’s eyes. He goes straight to the building. Seonghwa doesn’t stop him. 

Hyunjin says San should take his chance but San is scared. San is scared to feel pain again, scared to be alone again, scared to cry alone again, scared to open up again. Maybe it is better that way. In the end, San and Seonghwa don’t meant to be. 

The thought hurts San more than the rejection. He takes a deep breath and turns around, startling when he realizes Seonghwa is one step away from him. 

“If I say I don’t care about your hookups, I would be lying,” Seonghwa starts. He stops for a second, furrowing so hard as if he fights his own thoughts. “But I love you. And that’s all matters to me.” He decides to say whatever he wants finally. 

“I won’t give up again. I won’t push you away. So,” he takes another step, closed the distance between them. San’s breath hitches, the cologne Seonghwa wears strokes his nose softly. The next words Seonghwa speaks absolutely catches San off guard, his heart melting already from the closeness.

“Date me.” 


	12. súton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!  
> THIS IS PURE FILTH AFTER THEY WORK THINGS OUT SO READ IT ON YOUR OWN RISK!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the final...  
> Wow... I really finished it... I can't believe it. Okay, so...
> 
> To Nab;  
> Thank you for supporting me always. Thank you for hyping me up even though I had a major writer block and couldn't finish it until today. I luv you ♡  
> To Nico;  
> Thank you for motivating me and waiting for me patiently although you have none lol Thank you for pushing my limits but knows when to stop. I love you bitch ♡
> 
> ALSO, EVERYONE WHO LIKES AND READS IT;  
> Thank you for your lovely, amazing comments. I can't describe how you make so happy and motivated with your words. This is all thanks to you that I finished it. I appreciate all of you!! Love y'all!! ✨♥️
> 
> This is (kinda) a slow burn fic. What is better than slow burn? SLOW BURN WITH A SMUT ENDING! SO HERE YOU GO JKLFJDSK  
> I finished it sorf of lamely but I hope y'all like it! Stay safe and take care! 🍒♥️

To say San is shocked at Seonghwa’s sudden confession is an understatement. He freezes, not knowing how to react. He doesn’t even think he can speak. The words he wants to hear so much is here finally. He received them-

“Wow..” Someone gasps and reality dawned on San. He receives the words he wanted to hear so much in front of a bunch of people. It seems reality reached Seonghwa either. San can’t think of another reason why Seonghwa’s face becomes pale. Someone comes next to him. Hongjoong, San’s mind supports it when he sees a blue hair movement in his peripheral vision. San is pulled literally and figuratively from Seonghwa. 

“I didn’t mean confess your stupid undying love in front of our clients when I said go for it!” Hongjoong hisses at Seonghwa and it makes the latter move. 

He turns around, looking at people whom he got out together as if it is the first time he sees them. Well, when he saw that idiot Hyunjin kissed San, he might have forgotten those people. He smiles attractively, apologizing for his unprofessional behavior. One of the men who look older than him grins at him. “How nice, being young and in love.” He winks at Seonghwa who blushes a little bit but continues smiling.

“Well, Mr. Park can we see the ships your subordinates talked about?” Seonghwa nods and leads them. 

  
  
  
  


“I can’t believe you two!” Hongjoong hisses at San as soon as they get into his office. San still feels a little bit hazy about all things. San didn’t expect this. He wanted to clear things, for instance, he was about to tell him Hyunjin wasn’t someone special. He didn’t expect Seonghwa to go and ask him out. 

“Are you smiling?!” Hongjoong exclaims and San stops smiling instantly. Hongjoong sighs, rubbing his temples as if he has a headache. He has. He didn’t expect that his idiot best friend would go and confess in front of important people and his employees. He knows people already heard what happened at the entrance of the company. The CEO confesses his love to one of the impermanent interns. 

Something comes into Hongjoong’s mind. His accusing glare finds the poor intern. “You were late,” he remarks and San gulps, averting his eyes to the floor, he is more interested in the floor’s design than the conversation. 

Hongjoong remembers yesterday. The boy was on the verge of tears. He sighs. “Are you okay now?” He asks much gentler than before. The intern nods slowly. The COO sighs again. He feels like he is dealing with lots of kids instead of adults.

“Whatever,” The COO speaks. “Just bring those documents to Jongho.” He motions the documents that are on the table. San nods his head, takes the documents, and dashes off. “They are hopeless.” Hongjoong watches him leaving the room and shakes his head. He needs a drink. 

  
  
  
  


San knocks on the door of the CFO’s office. A muffling noise comes from inside. San takes it a yes and goes in. Mr. Choi looks like he could murder someone, punching his keyboard aggressively, his eyes wide open, eyebrows twitching. The intern is intimidated by the scene, his fingers drumming on his thighs. 

“Um… Sir?” He calls, uncertain of himself but Mr. Choi visibly lightens up when he sees the intern. San is bewildered by the sudden change. The CFO motions him to sit while getting up from his seat, walking around. San shakes his head. “I was here to drop these. Mr. Kim-”

Jongho cuts him off. “I heard Seonghwa confessed to you in front of our clients.” He looks like he wants to laugh out loud while sitting down on one of the soft-looking sofas. San feels the crumbs of his blush coming back to him again. He stares at the CFO without saying anything. Jongho waits patiently for him to talk though. 

San sighs and drops the documents on the coffee table. Although he doesn’t sit on the sofa, thinking it would be best if he needs to get out of here. Just in case, of course. “Yes, he confessed to me.” He accepts it and the words leave a sweet taste on his tongue. He smiles at the bubbly feeling on his chest. Jongho throws a punch in the air and San shrinks from him. 

“Oh sorry, It is just-” Jongho waves his hand while laughing, fishing his phone out from his pocket, texting someone happily. His eyes focus on San as soon as he finishes texting. “Hongjoong just lost a bet, owing me fifty bucks.” His smiles getting bigger, eyes getting smaller. San stares at the smile because holy shit. Jongho looks like a different person when he smiles like this prettily. San is almost certain that Jongho can make the straightest person gay with that dashing smile of his. 

“Oh…” San doesn’t grasp the sentence, he is too focused on the alluring smile to question its meaning. Jongho laughs at him more. “The bet is about you and Seonghwa though. Aren’t you curious?” He asks, faux innocence in his voice.

San snaps out of it when he hears the CEO’s name. He focuses on Jongho’s eyes, lifting his eyebrows, an obvious question in his eyes. Jongho smirks. 

“I bet on Seonghwa confessing to you this week before you know.... you are gone.” Jongho stretches his arms, his biceps bulging from his shirt and San can’t stop watching the flex. “And Hongjoong said our friend is too scaredy-cat to confess to you since he sees you, I quote,  _ as a child of aphrodite _ .” Jongho wriggles his eyebrows as if to prove his point and San thinks he can’t be redder more than that. He opens his mouth and then closes. He looks like a fool.

“Mr. Kim probably waits for me. I need to go.” San practically throws himself out of the room, hearing the sonorous laugh from outside. He fans his face, inhaling deeply. He returns his desk, noticing the eyes on himself, on his every move. He suddenly is glad that tomorrow is his last day or he doesn’t think he can handle the attention he is getting now. 

He sits down, his eyes not leaving the computer’s screen even for a time until he is interrupted.

“Jongho told you about our bet?” Hongjoong smirks when San enters the data in the system. The COO sits on the intern’s desk, one of his habits, San notices. The man on the desk waits. San stares.

“So?” Hongjoong insists and San blinks. What does he want? “Oh god, I thought you are pretty and smart, a whole package, but you are an idiot.” Hongjoong sighs, his dull headache coming back to him. “What about confession? What are you thinking? Will you accept him?” The CFO hisses and San thinks the other man needs to get laid to be freed from all this unnecessary stress and anger.

“Fuck off, my fiancé takes care of me very well. Thank you very much.” Hongjoong grumbles and San becomes shy, not realizing he said all of these things out loud until then. “Anyway, Seonghwa tried his best you know.” The man on the desk looks at the intern with a serious expression. 

“I hope you will listen to your heart. You don’t feel here.” He points to San’s head, flicking his forehead. The intern makes a hurtful high-pitched noise. “You feel here.” He pats San’s left chest and hops off the desk, wiping the non-exist dusk off his suit. He goes to his office, leaving San there with his very own alive feelings. 

The intern hates the other’s guts because it is true. Maybe it is time to forgive whatever happened in the past and move on. With Him, maybe. Even just the thought causes the butterflies on San’s chest flying around excitedly. 

  
  
  
  


Seonghwa waves his clients off. The contract is done successfully. He wants to go back and confront San. Finally, he took the risk and confessed it. He won’t take his words back. He won’t run away this time. Yet, he needs to do something else first.

He fishes his phone out, dialing one of his emergency contacts. He waits for the other side to pick up the call while kicking pebbles around. He is nervous, not making out what the reaction he will get. He can only pray for not a negative one. 

A muffled voice reaches his ear, following with a groan. Seonghwa forgets the reason why he calls his son for a second, panicking. “Are you okay, woo?” Being a worry-wart dad is hard. His son groans another time, a shuffling noise and then-

“I-I’m okay- God-” He breathes heavily and whines to someone. That’s the cue for his dad.

“Oh my god! Are you answering me while doing the thing?!” Seonghwa shouldn’t be shocked after all. His son is mischievous, doing things Seonghwa wouldn’t imagine. But answering his call while having sex is much more than Seonghwa expected. He sighs, pinching his nose bridge.

“...No.” Wooyoung cracks after a few silent seconds. Seonghwa rolls his eyes, grimacing at the tone of his son’s voice. “Why are you calling? Aren’t you at work?” His son changes the topic, sounds more regular, normal. Seonghwa shakes his head.

“No, um-” He bites his bottom lip, watching his employees running around. They don’t spare a glance at him, focusing on their works. “I want to tell you something,” He says. Shuffling noises increases and Wooyoung talks again.

“What happened? I’m listening.” He sounds more solemn than before. Seonghwa smiles. At least his son takes him seriously although Seonghwa won’t forget the beginning of the call for a long time.

“I… Jesus Christ… There is no easy way to tell you-” Seonghwa takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes, thinking if he was doing the right thing or not. They could hide their relationships from Wooyoung maybe? Hiding something from his son doesn’t sound the right thing. 

Suck it up, he encourages himself.

“I’m in love with San.” 

There he goes. He did it. He said it. But why is his son silent? 

The CEO is about to panic when the silence is getting longer. He should have shut up. He fucked up so much this time. He will lose his son-

“Are you interrupting my heaven time just because of your crush on San?!” Wooyoung screams, flustrated at his father. Seonghwa pulls the phone from his ear. Wooyoung never fails to amaze him being so loud. 

“Oh my god, dad! I already knew it since god knows when!” He continues screaming and Seonghwa is almost certain that his employees are hearing him getting scolded by his very own son. “I’m San’s best friend! God!” He groans. Seonghwa hears a giggling sound behind. He opens his mouth but Wooyoung doesn’t let him talk.

“I don’t mind whatever you are feeling! Just go and make out with him!” And Wooyoung hangs upon him. Seonghwa stands there, his phone away from his ear, dumbfounded about what happened just now. He blinks repeatedly. His son scolded him just now. He doesn’t know what to feel about it.

His phone vibrates. He looks at the incoming text. 

_ I’m rooting for you! Don’t hold back just because of me. I love both of you. I want you to be happy. xx _

The CEO laughs. Although Wooyoung is loud and has no shame in his private life, Seonghwa raised him well.

  
  
  
  


When Seonghwa gets back to the company building, his two annoying friends catch him before he goes to San. He looks at the two who stand in his way. The two shares an unspoken conversation before taking each of Seonghwa’s arm and dragging him like a ragdoll to the CFO’s office.

Hongjoong opens his mouth as soon as Jongho locks the door.

“You owe me fifty bucks.” 

Seonghwa looks at him funny, wondering when he borrowed money from the COO but the answer comes before he asks. “We betted on when would you confess to San.” Jongho snickers and Seonghwa is scandalized about this bet he didn’t know until now. Great, his two friends whom he respects and loves so much made a bet on his miserable love life. How nice of them.

“Good to know that I should reconsider my choice of friend,” He sasses and the other two don’t look like they are ashamed of their bets, they shrug and smile as if it is no big deal. Seonghwa sighs and turns to the door. “I need to go.” He takes a step before Jongho stops him. The CEO groans and whines. “Can you please let me go? I need to-” 

“Talk with San. Yeah, you are not as unpredictable as you think, honey.” Hongjoong breathes, looks tired of the conversation and Seonghwa wants to choke him.

“We got your back, always here for you but are you sure about that? I mean are you ready to encounter any difficulties?” Jongho’s voice is calm, almost sounds like a mother who is talking to his child. Seonghwa nods solemnly. 

“I know it will be hard but I won’t run away this time, Jongho.” He sighs, the last time he ran away things didn’t go well for both of them. “I hurt him already. I can’t do it again. I…” He remembers San, his pink hair covering his eyes while having cried. “I love him and I stand by what I said.” He finishes with a determined expression. 

“Did you hear it, Sannie?” Hongjoong calls, looking at the door. Seonghwa looks puzzled. Jongho opens the door, revealing a red-face San and his eyes filling with emotional clouds. Seonghwa sputters, seeing him. Hongjoong and Jongho laugh at their panicking friend. Jongho pushes San into the door before leaving with Hongjoong, closing the door after them. 

“Uh… I-” San strides to him, interrupting him with his lips pressing onto the older’s lips. Seonghwa gasps into the kiss that he has been waiting for for so long. His hands find home on San’s waist. The younger parts from him, panting slowly. Their foreheads meet. San laughs along with Seonghwa.

“Wow…” Seonghwa utters and San nods because  _ wow. _

“I need to go…” San hates to break the moment but they are at work. This is his last day and he is still an intern. He looks up, meeting with a fond gaze. He beams at Seonghwa and pecks him one more time, making the older whine. 

“You can’t go after kissing me like that!” Seonghwa objects but San laughs, already making his way to the door. He turns around, his hand on the knob. “You can come home with me tonight if you want me to kiss you more.” he winks, half-joking half-serious. He knows the CEO probably want them to take things slowly-

“Okay.” Seonghwa accepts it easily. San makes a high-pitched incoherent noise. The CEO laughs and comes near him. He tugs San’s black locks behind his ear, resting his hand on the other’s neck. “I will wait for you to finish.” He smiles and San melts, nodding dazedly. 

He opens the door, only to meet with Hongjoong and Jongho. He looks at them weirdly and the other two shamelessly smile at him and wink at their friends. Seonghwa groans while San laughing at their antics although they are his bosses.

  
  
  
  


The day finishes rather slower than San expects it to be. His eyes never leave the clock in the office, listening to the tic tocs while watching the minute hand. When it is time to get off, he throws everything into his backpack. He goes to the CFO’s office and stands in front of the door, preparing himself.

The door opens before he has a chance. He lurches backward, startled by the door opening. He lifts his head, looking directly at the CEO. His eyes involuntarily lay on the man’s lips. He flushes. Nevertheless, he doesn’t avert his gaze, shamelessly focusing on the mouth which he wants to kiss so badly. 

“Stop eye-fucking each other in front of my office.” The CFO groans and pushes Seonghwa to the side. He observes San for a second before smiling soothingly. “I had a lot of fun working with you, kiddo.” He extends his hand for San to shake. “I hope your life is going the way you want it to.” San shakes his hand and the CFO glances at his best friend. 

“Well, probably we will be meeting a lot after this so I won’t say goodbye but-” He pushes Seonghwa onto him, earning a yelp from San. “Take him and go. I had enough of hearing your pretty eyes or silky cotton candy hair.” He gets inside his office and slams the door.

San giggles and looks at the other. “Shall we go?” he asks. Seonghwa takes his hand into his bigger one. He nods, smiling.

The whole drive to San’s home is awkward as hell. Seonghwa drives them while San fiddles with his fingers. Silence wraps them like a winter blanket and none of them know how to break it. The winter is nearly at the door. The sky is getting darker early. The cold makes itself known in the harsh wind or a chill breeze.

“Oh, you are closer to both the company and university,” Seonghwa states when they arrive in front of San’s apartment. San nods, unbuckling the belt. He stops when he reaches to the door handle, turning to look at Seonghwa pointedly. The CEO blinks and tilts his head. 

He is adorable, San coos, and laughs. 

“Well?” He looks at the building and then Seonghwa. “Don’t you want to come?” He asks a tint of insecureness in his voice. Seonghwa curses at himself in his mind. He nods. San gets out of the car, pleasing to know the other will follow him. The CEO unbuckles his belt to join San outside of the car. 

His ass will be damned if he ever refuses anything San asks again.

San giggles when Seonghwa trips over his own feet. Their hands find each other even though the air between them is still weird to them. San leads them to his apartment. His heart is beating fast. The realization washes over him. Seonghwa is about to step into his home. Did he tidy up before leaving? San thinks while opening the door for themselves.

Seonghwa comes in after San, taking his shoes off, his eyes observe every centimeter of the house. 

"Your home looks very comfortable," Seonghwa remarks while tracing his fingers across the kitchen counter. San smiles, leaning against the counter, his eyes on Seonghwa. The latter looks at him questioningly. "What?"

San shakes his head although Seonghwa notices the lingering gaze on his lips. The CEO smirks, getting closer to the other, caging the younger between himself and the counter. "I think I want to continue from where we were interrupted." His eyes observed San's face. This close, the other man looks so pretty that it nearly hurts Seonghwa's eyes. 

"I thought we were finished," San flirts back, his hands find their ways to Seonghwa's belt. The CEO chuckles, dark and lust over his voice. "Where is your bedroom, sweetheart?" the pet name makes the younger's heart skip a beat. His shaking hand points the way and Seonghwa… damn that attractive man, San frowns. Seonghwa smirks, pushing his dark locks back and in one swift motion, he shoulders San like a ragdoll. San squeaks, holding onto the other's suit shirt. 

"You could have said!" his whine turns into a moan when a hard slap lands onto his ass. After the slap, the hand strokes it soothingly. 

Soon after his back meets with his lavender-scented sheets. Seonghwa looks at him as if he is ready to ravish him. Well, San bites his lips, he is oh so ready to be ravished by the man as well.

"Before we do anything," Seonghwa starts, gulping. His groin gets harder with each minute just by looking at San's narrow waist and seductive eyes. "We need to talk." He holds the younger's hand and helps him to sit with him at the edge of the bed. San looks at him questioningly.

"What are your limits?" Seonghwa asks, causing the other to laugh. San laughs as if Seonghwa told him the funniest joke he has ever heard. He wipes non-existent tears and looks at the older. 

The aura between them changes into something heavy. Seonghwa's eyes are hazy and his hands twitch with excitement. He wants to touch San, please him, shower him with love and kisses, ruin him, ravish him, make him cry. Seonghwa wants to do everything for San, yet he also needs to know the limits. 

Oh, the things he wants to do to San just for making him see the whole galaxy….

San licks his lips, he puts his hand on the CEO's shoulder, helping himself to lift and sit on the other's lap. Seonghwa yelps but doesn't deny him. His hands immediately land on San's little so-called waist. 

"My only limit is you," San whispers into Seonghwa's ear, licking and nipping it, earning a delightful noise from the man above him. 

"God," Seonghwa breathes, his hands squeezing San, making him whine. "I'm so hard for you." He groans when San pushes him into the bed. Seonghwa obeys him, watching San teasingly lifts his shirt, only to see a glowing little bar on his belly.

Seonghwa curses internally.

"oh, are you..." San stops for a moment not to shiver from the tension between them. The other man studies him, his lust filling eyes scanning over the exposed belly. "...daddy?" he bashfully finishes his sentence. Seonghwa embarrassingly moans louder than he has ever had in whole his life.

Before Seonghwa notices, his pants are taken off and San's hot mouth meets with his hard-on through his boxer. He lifts himself onto his elbows, watching the other teasing him through the underwear. The power the other releasing makes his head dizzy. 

"Fuck-" he curses when San takes his boxer off. The hunger in the younger's eyes is the only thing that helps him to move. He lifts his hand, his thumb lands on San's plump bottom lip. "How about you putting your pretty lips on me, sweetheart?" His voice is hoarse, sounding like he screamed all night although they have just begun. 

San moans at the pet name, eagerly working on the shaft in his hand. Seonghwa's dick is pretty just like him. It is thick, San's fingers don't meet with each other, and heavy on his hand. 

He doesn't wait for another instruction. 

"You will be the death of me," Seonghwa whispers when he sees the other takes him all the way to his throat without any problem. The CEO's head hits the bed from the sensation. 

San’s throat gets tighter at the intrusion before relaxing and taking the other’s cock more. Seonghwa’s hand finds home in his dark locks, his groans encourage San to go further and swallow around him. The hold on his hair gets tighter but doesn’t push or pull. San bobs his head slowly, noticing Seonghwa lifting his head and watching how his shaft obscenely stretching San’s little mouth.

“God, you are so pretty,” he breathes, his hand on the head slides down, stroking San’s blushing cheek. The action makes the butterflies on San’s stomach go crazy, flying around, bumping into each other. San swallows around him one more time while fighting with his gag reflex. “You are doing so good, yeah?” The CEO’s hand returns to his hair and he pulls him slightly.

“Take it like a good boy you are,” Seonghwa encourages him, thrusting into the warm mouth slowly. San retracts his hands and lets the other fuck his face. Seonghwa creates a slow, steady rhythm. The younger hums, the thick cock on his tongue clouds his mind, he is enjoying it a lot. The CEO groans and thrusts hard, deep into the throat of San’s. The tight muscle around his cockhead knocks the lights out of him and he cums. Long white stripes paint San’s face prettily when Seonghwa draws himself away. San moans and licks the cum landed on his mouth.

“You taste delicious,” San hums, his finger gathering the cum from his face and feeds himself. Seonghwa’s cock twitches unmercifully at the sight. He pulls the other from his nape and their lips crash with each other. Seonghwa tastes himself on San’s tongue while the younger takes off his pant.

San pushes the other into the bad and climbs onto his lap. Angry red cock swings a little, call Seonghwa’s attention. The latter chuckles and flicks into the tip lightly, making San buck up unintentionally. “Can you still go on or do you become old already?” San taunts him, grinding against Seonghwa’s sensitive cock. The latter laughs and maneuvres him so that he can be top on San.

“Please,” he says, sucking a mark on San’s neck. “You are still too young to compete with me, love.” He smiles when San moans. 

_ Love.  _

_ His Lover. _

The word leaves a sweet taste on his mouth. Oh, how is Seonghwa already looking forward to calling San with it. 

San pushes himself upward to reach the nightstand for lube. He throws it at Seonghwa who catches it. The younger makes himself comfortable in the bed, squirming a little bit. Then he lifts his eyebrows, challenging the man above him in silence. 

Seonghwa opens the lube and San spreads his legs wider. The CEO squeezes lube to the other’s hole and his fingers while his eyes wander over the piercing adoring San’s belly. One of his fingers traces the rim before getting inside. San moans louder and Seonghwa bends over to take him into his mouth.

“Wha- Seong- Ah!” San sputters and thrashes around until Seonghwa puts his available hand on his waist to stop him. San feels helpless but oh so is he loving it. The older releases the other’s cock, adding another finger. He leans onto San’s belly and puts his mouth on the piercing. The younger squirms and whines. The wet feeling on his newly-healed piercing combining with two fingers in his hole is ecstatic. 

“I didn’t know you had this,” Seonghwa murmurs against his skin, tugging at the piercing a little, he only wants to hear San’s delicious moans. 

“I-Ah!” He groans when Seonghwa adds another finger next to the two. Seonghwa pulls away from his belly, relishing at the moment that the reason why San looks this wrecked -half-lidded eyes, panting hard, his cock standing proudly and a pretty shade of red- is no one other than himself.

“I had it one month ago,” San breathes and feels a move against his prostate. He groans and looks at Seonghwa through his half-closed eyes. “I’m- I-” He mumbles and Seonghwa leans to kiss him, all loving and tender. 

“Cum for me, baby boy,” He whispers and that’s all San needs to hear before seeing white. Seonghwa groans at the sudden tightness around his fingers. He waits for San to come down from his high. 

San pants hard and opens his eyes, groaning when Seonghwa withdrawing his fingers. The older man strokes San’s cheek with his clean hands and kisses him one more time. “You did great for me,” he praises and San keens at that, leaning onto the hand that is stroking his cheek. Seonghwa kisses his jaw and neck, murmuring sweet nothings into his skin. 

San squirms a bit when he feels okay. He touches Seonghwa’s shoulder and pushes the other’s shirt. “Take,” he wheezes slightly. “Take it off, wanna see you,” He stubbornly pushes the shirt until the shoulder of Seonghwa is free. 

“Impatient brat,” Seonghwa sighs but complies, taking his shirt off. He leans backward on his heels, his hand finds his cock, jerking himself off teasingly. San watches him, eyes sparkling at the sight of thick cock coming to life, his own cock twitching at Seonghwa jerking himself off. He gulps and looks up, seeing Seonghwa noticed his gaze. 

He clears his throat when he lets himself back on the sheets. “When will daddy fuck me?” He whines, arching his back off of the sheets, moaning pretendedly while his hands roaming his chest. One of his hands hovers over his cock. Seonghwa laughs at the whiny lover of his and slaps the younger’s hand away from his cock.

“I know you want to fuck me because _I’m a_ _daddy_ , right?” Seonghwa arches an eyebrow, challenging the other. 

And San feels so hot and ready to explode any minute. He makes a noise between a laugh and whine. “Please,” He begs and who is Seonghwa to deny this beauty from anything?

He supports himself on his heels and pushes his cock into the waiting hole. San moans after yelping at the sudden stretching. Seonghwa doesn’t stop until his hips bump into San’s ass.

He stops there for both of their sake. San is  _ tight _ and he needs a moment to breathe and not cumming at the feeling. He watches San taking shaky breaths and his cock twitching. He twitches inside the other. 

“Fuck,” San moans, moving around so he can get comfortable. Seonghwa bites his lips, his bangs already clinging to his forehead from the steamy action they are doing. “I knew you were big but-” San inhales and locks his gaze with Seonghwa. “You are so  _ big _ .” Seonghwa groans. 

That’s it. San deserves whatever Seonghwa does to him.

He pulls back, only to thrust into hard and deep. San moans and mewls, his hands pulling the sheets. The pleasure of getting rammed by Seonghwa makes his head light.

He had always dreamt about this. How would it feel to get fucked by Seonghwa, how his calloused hands feel on his skin, how his sultry lips feel on his body. And here he is, feeling everything he had been dreaming of since god knows when. 

He sobs brokenly and Seonghwa immediately stops, leaning over him. “Love?” His voice drips with concern and San opens his eyes which he didn’t realize he closed. Seonghwa holds his cheeks, his thumps stroking slowly and his concerned eyes boring into the younger so lovingly that San wants to cry more. 

“I love you,” He sobs, holding the hands on his cheeks. Seonghwa sighs and smiles. His eyes sparkle with love and adoration. He wipes away San’s tears and peppers the younger man with kisses until San giggles. 

“I love you too,” He whispers, his eyes clouded with emotions that are also being felt by San. 

“Now, make me cum,” He whines, clenching around Seonghwa. The latter blinks and smirks. “Be a good boy,” he warns and flicks San’s cock. The other whines and glares playfully. 

“Please?” He tries and Seonghwa doesn’t move. He chuckles and tries again.

“Please fuck me, daddy,” San giggles. Seonghwa laughs and thrusts into him. He doesn’t stop. San’s moans and whines are music to his ears and make him go harder and deeper. 

“Oh-  _ please _ ,” San moans when Seonghwa hits his heaven spot endlessly. The skin sounds echo in the room, the sweat beads forming on the lovers’ temples, their chest heaving with hard breaths they take. And they cum like this. 

Seonghwa plops himself down on San’s body. The latter whines and tries to push him but to no avail. “Heavy,” San complains, and the CEO lets himself to be maneuvered to the side by his lover. “Much better,” the younger mutters and smiles at Seonghwa. 

“We should clean-” He is interrupted by San. “No, let’s sleep.” Seonghwa laughs, giving in. He makes a move to pull his softened cock off but San grunts and pushes back. “Stay,” he murmurs, pushing his back until it meets with Seonghwa’s broad chest. He grabs Seonghwa’s arm and hugs him into his chest.

“Warm,” he murmurs, voice is already sleepy. Seonghwa buries his face into soft black hair. He inhales the comforting scene. “What do you want to eat for breakfast?” He asks calmly but has no answer. The CEO thinks the other is already asleep until he hears a faint voice.

“You.”

Seonghwa chuckles and kisses San’s head. 

“We can arrange that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S: I might write an epilogue ehe 👀  
> another P.S: I have other works too 🥺👉🏽👈🏽 if you would like to, check them out!!


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